Monthly Archives: April 2009

What’s the matter with George?

What’s the matter with George?

Kaleidoscope of events.

A collage of  voices, sounds, and visual artistry.

Images that tug at my emotional chords, fusing the cacophony into a beautiful serene humming sound.

Here.

I am here after all this time

This is London.

I am like a dog dashing down the sidewalks, tongue extended in excitement, reveling in the new scents, looking at surroundings as though they had shed the cloak of familiarity and I had not already seen them hundreds of times before.  Peering into faces with the fascination of one who has only recently come to the city, I find newness with every step.

Fresh as London’s green grass that does not need to be watered day and night.

Taxi drivers are glad to have customers. Long rows of black cabbies with their yellow lights beckoning stream down the street.

“Quietest Easter in my recollection,” laments one guy on a rainy April night. ” But at least I have a job.”

And then, as I alight: “God bless you, my love. Thank you for your business.”

I start to formulate a wish for him but he interjects: “Just wish me  a busy night, love. I need all the customers I can get.”

Walking down the street, a tall man dressed in a suit booms into his cell phone: What is the matter with George?

A few steps away, and one woman asks another: You mean he won’t miss you when you go away?

I walk fast, for once oddly enjoying the masses of people streaming along the sidewalks of Oxford Street. Two  plump black ladies on my left laugh heartily together about some shared joke , their laughter so unaffected, so contagious, that I find myself smiling widely and delighting in the way they have affected me.

Contagion. Yes now there is Swine flu. In the theatre, some rows behind, during a quiet lull in the actor’s performance, a man snorted. Not once, or twice but three times. One of the women in front of me turned around in the dark and scowled. That was enough to silence him for the rest of the show. Or perhaps he snorted quietly.

On the bus, I settle myself towards the back. Near the end of my journey,  a large man with a bright red nose and bright red cheeks starts hacking and coughing at the back of the bus. Contagion. I can’t wait to get off.

Next to me, a young man I made brief eye contact with before we boarded. He is of a slight boyish build that is attractive. As his thigh connected with my own on the shared seat, I turned only slightly, not looking him in the eyes but through peripheral vision. I take a peak at the book he is reading. It is Dreams From My Father.

Ahead of me stand a couple dressed in black. I steal glances and stories start to emerge before my eyes. As they alight further on down the road, I reprimand myself. They could have been mother and son. Why such misconstrued thoughts? Never mind I assure my self. They are  creative fodder and my stories will not reflect their  reality.

At the mobile shop, there was a man in front of me. The shop assistant asked him about his date of birth. March 16, 1976. I looked at him then, trying to discern his age from the back of his head. He was buying a new mobile phone. She asked him if he had bought any new phones recently. He replied: “No”

Are you sure? She asked.

He then let out the truth in bits. “At the beginning of the month.”
“How many phones did you buy. Sir?” (Suh)

“Three,” he replied.

She refused to continue with the transaction on grounds that he had already bought too many mobile phones this month and had to wait another three months.

What did he want with so many mobile phones I mused as I stood there watching him accept his rejection. The sales girl had a scarf around her head with a bushy fan  of hair protruding at the back and one dark brown lock pulled out at the front, strategically placed over her left eye.

Her green top hugged her body in a way that made her full breasts appear as ripe melons and rendered her rounded figure perfectly squeezable. I averted my eyes to avoid any further lasciviousness on my part.

notebook

notebook

excerpted from:

Ten things you didn’t know about Bat for Lashes

April 16-22,  p.99,  Timeout /London

8. She once got a message from her future son in a dream

‘I won’t say it was unsettling, but it was profound. I was on a train that was completely packed, with quite an angry atmosphere and a lady embarked at one stop. She sat down opposite me and said. “Your future son (she used his name, which I won’t say) say hi.”  It made complete sense to me and I told her to say hello back.’

Um Abdullah

Um Abdullah

Um Abdullah sighed wearily as she heaved herself off the low seating in the living room where she had just finished having her afternoon tea. El hamdullilah, she groaned pitifully. Her knees were stiff and her back hurt constantly these days.

Mariam! Mariam!

She called in her weakest, most dependent tone.

The windows were covered in thick velvety curtains that always kept out the light, no matter what time of day it was. The ceiling lights were always on, blazing brilliantly in their halogen ways. She had told Mahmood that she wanted the white fluorescent lights but he just said yes and went ahead and did what he wanted. Always.

She had been too weary to argue with him. No doubt it was Nahla’s fault. Daughters-in-law always turned into selfish son-stealers.

She heard herself muttering out loud and  the sound of her voice felt cathartic. She continued to remonstrate about all her children to the brightly lit room. She had a right to feel sorry for herself, she said in  growing disgust, picking up the remote control and switching on the large LCD screen. It was another hour before her favourite Turkish soap opera would be aired. That was like sitting with family.

She plopped back down again on the cushions and ensconced herself comfortably amongst the plush pillows, flicking through channels as she bid her time.

She froze as she paused the station at the KTV channel 1.

It was Shayma’a presenting a program. She was in top gear, full make up, and looking absolutely…slutty. Um Abdullah felt the bile surge within her again as the intensity of her negative feelings resurfaced. Thank goodness Mariam was not  like  her cousin Shayma’a to work at such a shameful job. She kept the channel on and continued to stare at Shayma’a, taking in all the little details so she could recount  them to Mariam. What man would ever want his wife to work in such a job?

Without taking her eyes off the screen for long, Um Abdallah reached for the platter of mixed nuts and started to crack open some pumpkin seeds with relish.

Mariam! Maryoom!

Where was that girl, she wondered again out loud.


Sensual or Passionate

Sensual or Passionate

“I Love Sensual Women…”

by Daniil Ivanovich Yuvachov

or Daniil Kharms

I love sensual women and not passionate ones. A passionate woman closes her eyes, moans and shouts and the enjoyment of a passionate woman is blind. A passionate woman writhes about, grabs you with her hands without looking where, clasps you, kisses you, even bites you and hurries to reach her climax as soon as she can. She has no time to display her sexual organs, no time to examine, touch with the hand and kiss your sexual organs, she is in such a hurry to slake her passion. Having slaked her passion, the passionate woman will fall asleep. The sexual organs of a passionate woman are dry. A passionate woman is always in some way or another mannish.
The sensual woman is always feminine.
Her contours are rounded and abundant.
The sensual woman rarely reaches a blind passion. She savours sexual enjoyment. The sensual woman is always a woman and even in an unaroused state her sexual organs are moist. She has to wear a bandage on her sexual organs, so as not to soak them with moisture.
When she takes the bandage off in the evening, the bandage is so wet that it can be squeezed out.
Thanks to such an abundance of juices, the sexual organs of a sensual woman give off a slight, pleasant smell which increases strongly when the sensual woman is aroused. Then the juice from her sexual organs is secreted in a syrupy stream.
A sensual woman likes you to examine her sexual organs.

===============

Soviet Deadpan

Stories by Daniil Kharms

So Hot

So Hot

Our paths crossed for several minutes in the refrigerated area of the supermarket.  Icy currents of cold air blasted from the open refrigerators. The weather outside was quite mild and warm for an April day. But here in the basement, it was almost uncomfortably cold. People were bustling about on their lunch breaks, and crowding around the sandwiches and panini aisles.

We almost bumped into each other, but didn’t. We apologized to each other simultaneously, and took two steps backwards, pausing to look at each other properly:

“Oh!” She huffed. “It’s so hot!”

I gave her a wide smile in acknowledgment.

She was a strawberry blonde professional looking woman of average height with rectangular black rimmed glasses and a fringe that camouflaged her real age.

“Hot flashes!” She burst out, looking around in a cursory fashion as I let out a hearty laugh and nodding in sympathy, replied:

“Then it’s the best place to be!”

We shared a light moment as we both laughed again in our silly adult fashion, making sense out of insensibility.

“It the best place to come in the summer, I’ll have you know!”

And we parted just as suddenly as we met, bidding each other a nice day, which it was really when one got outside.

Intimacy Device

Intimacy Device

Distance Lab will be looking for three volunteer couples during the Edinburgh Arts Festival in August who are living in a long distance relationship to participate in a new Intimacy Device or Mutsugoto project where partners can communicate with each other in the privacy of their own bedrooms using light beams.

The video looks boring but this could be the start of something exciting to be developed in the future.

“Distance Lab is a creative non-profit research organisation for digital media technology and design, focused on the theme of distance. Working with briefs from industry and governmental partners, Distance Lab generates ideas and builds prototypes that inspire and can lead to new innovative products and services.”

Perfect Bride

Perfect Bride

One of my female acquaintances was telling me about a young woman she knew  who was not yet married but planning on accepting marriage proposals within a year…after she had finished preparing herself physically for the new phase of her life.

The young girl had undergone a full year of laser hair removal and was now totally hair-free and she had had a nose job.

And who knows what else that she did not mention.

There used to be a time when unmarried Kuwaiti girls never plucked a hair from their body till they were proposed to and getting ready to be betrothed.

Now, one must really hope that what one sees is what one gets….and that it is not all fake nor will it come apart.

Fake tans, fake lashes, fake hair pieces, fake coloured eye lenses, fake fattened lips, fake high cheekbones, fake boobs, fake curves, fake vagina. Might as well get one of those life sized Japanese dolls, I say.

As I read this article about the increase in the number of brides-to-be who were having breast enhancement surgery in the UK, I wondered if this was a trend in Kuwait and the Gulf countries?

Are blushing Kuwaiti brides racing off to have breast enhancement surgery before marriage?

Maria Yiannikaris, owner of the Mirror Mirror bridal shops in North London, said: ‘Ten years ago you could not use the word “sexy” in the same sentence as “bride”  -  it was not considered appropriate  -  but now most brides want to show off their figure.’ Now the breast augmentation in the UK has risen 30 % from 2007 to 8,439 cases in 2008.

Should we or shouldn’t we?

For women:

And men:

Sweet Slumber

Sweet Slumber

He doesn’t like to wake up right away. When he hears me opening the door to my room, I know that he consciously shuts out the sound of my pattering feet.

I like that I have pattering feet.

Actually, to the dormant child, I sound like an ogre coming to wrench him from the sweet bliss of slumber.

It’s hard waking up in the morning, isn’t it sweet boy?

Some days I am in no mood to humor you and I sound you a brusque: Wake up, it’s another school day. Or wake up, it’s blah blah blah (insert day and month sometimes year). Other times I am in a better mood so I sing you songs and you shout “Bass!”; I kiss your ears and then you cover your head with the blanket; I tickle you and you pretend you’re still asleep until you can’t stand it anymore and burst out laughing, eyes still shut, desiring to prolong this bliss. Sometimes I threaten you with water but I hate that myself so I just persist until you grudgingly make a move and amble off to the bathroom.

Sometimes though I am so tired that I curl up next to you and fall asleep so peacefully, hearing the soft voices in my head whispering sleep, sleep , sleep.

I dreamed a dream

I dreamed a dream

I dreamed a dream – from Les Miserables

Renditon by Susan Boyle on the show Britain’s Got Talent Episode 1, Saturday 11th April 2009 (Inspirational clip. Thanks to special friends who send me special links :)   )

Lyrics:

I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.

Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used
And wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung
No wine untasted.

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame.

And still
I dream he’ll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms
We cannot weather…

I had a dream my life would be
So different form this hell I’m living
so different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed.

Finally… Conjugal Harmony

Finally… Conjugal Harmony

Now this is a new way of match making:

conjugal-harmony

“All The Sex, None of The Nagging!

Are you tired of wondering if she’s cheating on you? Do you love to leave the toilet seat up? Want to enjoy freedom on the weekend and watch a little football with your buddies, rather than work on your “honey do” list? Well, now you don’t have to worry any of that with the latest craze in adult dating, dating and marrying inmates for conjugal visits. With a conjugal marriage, you will finally have a wife with the perfect amount of freedoms and rights, and more importantly, you will finally start enjoying your own.”

The ideal solution to the problem of finding the ideal marriage partner. I guess we could apply it to both men and women.

so much you lost the desired effect

so much you lost the desired effect

Place:

transit bus, Heathrow Airport, London

Subject:

Young British man

Description:

Average height

small build

creamy white skin

over-sized Chanel sunglasses perched on the top of his head of spiked hair

Pretty honey-coloured eyes were rimmed with perfectly shaped eyebrows (the kind of shaping one only gets with threading).

Louis Vuitton men’s shoulder bag slung across his shoulders

right hand : a bright orange D&G watch.

carried a small Burberry’s cabin luggage piece.

No discerning view of underwear label

No view of other clothing labelling.

Language:

Heavy accent. Unidentified.

lyrics  running through my head “Halston, Gucci, Fiorucci..” from Sister Sledge He’s the Greatest Dancer

Is anyone worth it?

Is anyone worth it?

If a spouse leaves their partner for another person or marries another woman, is retaliation in the form of violence or murder justified in any way?

===============================
Kuwaiti woman stabs her husband to death:
“…KUWAIT CITY : The Criminal Court on Tuesday set May 12, 2009 to listen to the testimony of the Forensics expert in a case filed against a Kuwaiti woman, identified only as Tahani, who has been charged with the premeditated murder of her husband at the suburb of Kheitan.
Case files indicate, according to the suspect’s confession, on the date of the accident she decided to kill her husband after finding out that he got married to another woman.  She said she purchased four long knives a day before the incident, since she decided to get rid of the victim.
The suspect added she tried to convince her husband to forget his new wife and go back to her, but her efforts went in vain. She said her husband refused to divorce his new wife, so she decided to kill him.
When the man went to sleep that night, she took one of the knives and stabbed her husband’s chest several times until she was certain that he was dead. However, she later doubted if her husband died, so when she was informed of his death, she was shocked and lost her composure, saying she loves him so much.”

And the Filipino woman is arrested for stabbing her husband:
“KUWAIT CITY : Police have arrested a Filipino woman for allegedly stabbing her husband after hearing the man had married in secret to another woman, reports Al-Watan Arabic daily.
The husband has been admitted to a hospital with a deep cut on his shoulder. The daily added the man ran for his life after the wife stabbed and sought the help of Salmiya firemen.
The firemen managed to ‘control’ the woman and called police. A case of attempted murder has been registered against the wife.”

==============================

Candid

Candid

One candid man says:

“Yesterday I saw 3 girls in Al-Kout mall

I can’t sleep very well now because of them.

They were wearing jeans .. with beautiful shirts .. sexy sunglasses .. hot bodies .. I was looking at them while I’m sure they were looking at me and my friend ….and was imagining that the one in the middle…with hairy pussy .. the others are shaved ..

I want them…. one of them at least

I’m not very informal with my friend .. that’s why I didn’t follow them.”

===================

One candid woman says:

“He appeared Kuwaiti. He worked in a glass shop in Shuwaikh. He seemed too young to own such a business. He was friendly and interested in pursuing the contract. He said he was an artist.

He wore tight low-rise jeans and a long sleeved shirt that hugged his body. The last couple of buttons were open.

I could hardly concentrate on what he was saying. My eyes kept skimming past that naked patch of skin below his navel.  It was too easy to stand too close.”