House of Comfort

Dear Readers,

I’m pleased to share with you a piece written by a guest writer on the Boudoir, Eti Quette , who has recently joined the workforce and describes some of the more daunting aspects of spending the whole day at work. Enjoy and please don’t hesitate to offer any golden nuggets of advice.

Jewaira

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Generally, when you’re about to step in the world of employment after a whole lifetime spent studying, people are always full of good advice regarding how this new phase of your life should be tackled. They talk of dedication to work, diligence, and of professional work ethics. They say you must make sure you start your career on a good foot and thereafter the rest will only be a question of gradually progressing up the ladder.

I have to say I totally agree. This is some sensible piece of advice and I do think that following it to a certain extent guarantees a healthy professional life with some rewards eventually. But you’ve heard this before and by now you’re probably bored already thinking to yourself, bleeping hell, not another tedious story from some wannabe self-help writer or not another wise-crack blogger who’s seen it all. Factually speaking, I am not even a writer.

I digress. My exposé will pertain to a slightly different subject matter. One that no-one’s gonna tell you about before you start the next 40 or so years of your life working away. Fecal matter to be precise. Disgusting stuff, I know, but let’s face it, we’ve all been there and done that.
Let’s set the premises. It’s about 10:45 or 14:45, it could be any time really. You feel the urge and you just know you have to go to the bathroom and it’s not number 1.

Personally, I prefer my own bathroom at home to anywhere else but in times of need you just don’t have any choice. Most importantly, you’re in some western country and typically they don’t rely on the use of water for cleaning up. Yeah, they may be technologically advanced but somehow the true concept of cleanliness seems to evade them.

Below is a list of things that supplements the lack of  ‘nozzle’ facilities at your workplace.

- Use a pair of hand-towels (tissues), one soaked with a bit of water and handwash liquid & the other one left dry

First you need to clean the toilet seat since you’re gonna be sitting on it (unfortunately so). I’ll let you guess as to how to proceed. Important point to note here, do not dispose of the tissues in the toilet. DO NOT DISPOSE in the toilet. Discard them into the bin nearby. You want to optimise the experience by reducing time taken and mental trauma (due to stress). What you don’t want is for the drainage system to be clogged with massive chunks of tissue paper.

- Have 2 or 3 bottles of water ready for washing up. For an even cleaner solution, add some soap to the first bottle and subsequently use the other 2 bottles lest you wanna end up with a soapy ass.

There is an unspoken etiquette in such situation. Be as inconspicuous and as fast as you can or your colleagues will be wondering about what you’re getting up to. Keep the bottles filled up at all times; you don’t wanna be seen coming out of the washroom with empty bottles. And make sure you spray some air freshener if there’s any available.
The above is what I would advise people about to take up full-time employment; I’ll leave the other good stuff about work ethics to the pros.