Dear Jewaira,
I have a Kuwaiti boyfriend who lives in Kuwait. I am from Europe. We are both 25 and planning on getting married after graduating (in about 2yrs). I’ve known him for 1,5 years and I’ve met 3 of his brothers. We have a long distance relationship but we’ve been seeing each other every month or so.
I myself don’t have all the knowledge about Kuwait and its culture.
I have some questions about it and I would really really like to get in touch with other people in the same situation as I, and also with Kuwaiti girls to find out how life really is in Kuwait.
I would like to ask you if you could post my question/situation on your forum, or maybe you have first hand information for me? I have been a week in Kuwait, and I really loved it, but what I didn’t experience is some interaction with the people.
I hope you can help me with this.
Best regards,
Sarah
before making a decision as big as this, I’d recomend that you stay for a period that’s longer than a week. If you can stay for a month or so, by that you’ll absorb our culture and that’ll help with your decision.
Remember, that Kuwait is very different from where you come from. Be it culture wise or society wise. You either fit in quickly or you don’t, that why I advise you to live here before moving any further.
And if you still feel comfortable in Kuwait, then let me be the first to welcome you
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good advice
I think what she wants really is to get into contact with foreigners and young Kuwaiti women who are living here at the moment so as to get a feel for the country. That is what she is saying
J
Hi,
Yes, I agree with your reply.
Munaf.
hmmm it’s basically 1920′s here but with expensive cars
my advice to you is do not live in here! europe is the complete opposite of kuwait! culture wise, society wise and everything that comes with it. you are young and you won’t fit in easily. and if you are willing to compromise your freedom and live by what people think and say then i welcome you here.
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1920′s?
What about those European and American women that came here in the early 1960′s? They turned out just fine (many of them) and there wasn’t nearly as much going on then as there is now.
J
hala wala eb saroona : p
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Lol now L be good
J
My advice is….
run away!
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You too?! Be positive guys! lol
J
Run! Run and don’t look back!
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lol hey!
that’s no kind of advice
J
There’s rampant racism prevalent in Kuwait every which way you look today, on a par with US, Europe and Asia. For the most part, the young in Kuwait are definitely more adaptable, I think and being European or Lebanese is definitely an advantage than being Filipino or Bangladeshi.
Getting on with his brothers and their partners would be much less an issue for you than say, getting on with the family matriarch would.
You’d need to be crystal clear on whether you bf intends to stay in a joint family after marriage or otherwise.
Also, aren’t both of you a little too young to be thinking marriage right now ?
The best way forward is for you to get a job in Kuwait which will allow you an opportunity to interact with people and get up close and personal with the local culture besides getting to know him and his family better. Beware – people everywhere are known to change their colours and the boy friend whom you thought you knew very well when he was with you in Europe, may not be the same person anymore in Kuwait
In this context, ” Not Without My Daughter” is compulsory viewing for someone like you contemplating marrying into a diametrically opposite culture to your own.
Of course, there are several successful cross cultural couplings, right here, in Kuwait and you can always look them for exchanging notes. But let this not be a hasty decision you will come to regret.
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I think she mentioned eventually getting married…she just wants to get to know the people and the culture more.
Jewaira
Poor Zaydoun. His moniker is being misappropriated repeatedly LOL. Hope you’re flattered, Zaydoun
Ruby Woo’s advice is very sound. Proceed with caution dear Sarah from Europe. Think a long time before you jump and even so, there are no guarantees or assurance even when things look like they really might be great. It’s a risk you have to decide is worth taking for yourself. Talk to other Europeans married to Kuwaities and listen closely to what they have to say.
Wishing you the best of luck and that you end up seeing the good characteristics of Kuwait far more than those that are not.
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MSBAKER
Speaking of Zaydoun, I enjoyed one of his recent posts immensely:
http://www.kuwait-unplugged.com/2009/01/instruction-manual-for-life.html#comments
(“Faydoun” is one of my more colourful readers who goes by a large number of different monikers)
Jewaira
Seems like Kuwaitis are way more negative about Kuwait then non-Kuwaitis lol.
I am an American married to a Kuwaiti and al7amdilah I have had a great experience with his family.
Marriage is difficult whether you marry someone from your own ethnic/national background or outside, but cross-cultural marriages require a little more understanding and compromise at times. But I would encourage you that once you are officially engaged, to ask him to spend time with women in his family (mother, sister, sister in law). Because you will have to interact with them more than outsiders, since family networks are closer here than in many Western countries.
Living outside of Kuwait isn’t always an options for a woman who is married to a Kuwaiti man. Moreover your experience of finding it “free” or “oppressive” (i’m not really fond of labels) will also depend on your own background or upbringing. For example, someone born into a Muslim family might understand and relate to the culture a bit better since they may have grown up with similar values or rules etc.
I would just advise you to really get to know women in his family so that you may have a perspective of what your own personal environment is more likely to be like, since Kuwaiti society is multi-faceted just as many other countries. Best of luck
Sorry for the long post Jewaira and readers.
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Thank you F. Very good advice
Jewaira
Faydoun : As an expat living in Kuwait for 30 odd years now my assessment of Kuwait and Kuwaitis does not map with yours. I find the nouveau riche and the “Yo! Generation” in this country to be strangely more insular, and less open to influences and ideation other than American or Lebanese.
It is the elder generation of Kuwaitis – those who have lived and toiled in India and Egypt among other places with a deep sense of appreciation of the worth of money and people, who have earned the most respect from me and my coterie of brick layers. The younger lot is a lot more media and internet savvy, well read and yet often the most biased and polarized in their world view.
How come ? Is it somehow to do with not having traveled enough off the beaten track to places such as, India & China and the African continent?
My advice to the damsel in distress is to take it one day at a time and to always remember one thing : there’s plenty of fish out there in the pond and if ever you miss a turn in your life there will be another further up ahead.
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Damsel in Distress? I pray you take this post seriously Sir!
Jewaira
F – its not negativity, it’s more like realism and an eyes wide open approach to such a huge undertaking.
With great respect, I think anyone about to take such a huge leap of faith and make such an enormous change in their lives would be making a serious mistake in limiting themselves to only looking on the bright and glossy side of the issue, when I am sure you yourself are well aware of the very difficult experiences of many other foreign women or European/American women who have married into families not as positive and supportive as the one you did (mashallah, may it always remain so for you
).
For the record (and as I always declare when these kinds of topics are brought up on Jewaira’s blog LOL), I am the child of an American mother and a Kuwaiti father. I grew up in Kuwait (and also in the US) during the 1970′s and 80′s, when things were really lovely here in Kuwait, and far more carefree, sophisticated, open and less volatile and insecure than they are now. It’s what I use as my personal yardstick to gauge whether life in Kuwait has become better or worse in terms of society, development and culture. I have seen both highly successful and tragically failed marriages similar to yours and my own parents marriage. I can safely say that there are far more tragic stories than there are ones with happy endings. So I think it is a good idea to look at both sides of the spectrum before such a monumental change and decision is made
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MsBaker
Thank you
J
I just like reading everyone’s comments. IMHO if you love each other enough you will find your way through it. I agree though that you should spend more time and make sure it works for you before making the jump into marriage.
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She’s a smart woman for thinking ahead of her situation.
Good to see you Christina
J
Here we go again,
Do I have to repeat my advice every time!! When will this stop!! I will sum it in a few words, stay in Europe, do not come and live here! Danger! Danger! Danger!
Let her get in touch with Desert Girl, she will give her the full info on everything she needs.
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Lol dear Purgatory…you miss Europe eh!
Thanks
J
;p
What can I do with these women? Every time they find you!
Are they real, or do you make them up?
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lol
No they are real. You should know that by now
http://jewaira.wordpress.com/2005/06/28/non-kuwaiti-will-he-marry-me/#comments
The last one was from a Turkish girl but no one gave any advice on that post.
Jewaira
poor turkish girl never received any advice, prob coz she’s turkish.
how come it’s always kuwaiti men with western girls, rather than the opposite?
and am sure a minority would be kuwaiti women with western guys?
what about a kuwaiti lady with an ethiopian / chinese / bangladeshi man?
think we need a big daddy poll on this one
.
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SNR
Stop trying to cause problems…lol
I always welcome people to comment on older posts but it will not necessarily get them a response from someone other than me. Sometimes there are caring souls like you who will go out of their way to say something.
In any case, I posted Sarah’s letter because she wrote me an email specifically with case in point.
There has been at least one post with an American man wanting to marry a Kuwaiti woman. Those unions do happen but with less frequency I am guessing.
With regards to you other question:
Most Kuwaiti girls are raised family-oriented and with the notion of marrying someone from their same background ie Kuwaiti. It comes with a lot of perks, believe me, to marry your own kind
In most cases a young woman needs her guardian’s permission to marry (normally her father’s).
In addition, unless it is through blind dating or the Internet, where would a Kuwaiti woman meet a non-Kuwaiti unless it was at university abroad somewhere? And even then, she would have to think very carefully before committing to someone from a different culture
Jewaira
People don’t matter. Family matters. So as long as his family is OK with the idea of him marrying a European then it’s fine. Of course they might object before even meeting you, try to convince him to come over and meet them in person. There might be some ice to break at first, but that’s in any kind of relationship.
I don’t know whether you drink alcohol or not, but there will none of that here. Even if your embassy allows it, his family most likely won’t.
No DJ Tiesto techno parties
The places to hangout are highlighted as malls & cinema (movies are cut beyond recognition!!), however you could go to the desert if you’re into that (I’m not). You could go diving or fishing, too! (fun!) — I guess it would depend on YOUR definition of “fun”
Best of wishes to you both
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this MBH
J
Prepare urself for major changes ..
Did that sound too scary ?
ok ok ..
Umm Ur going to love it here .. I think .. well you see it depends on the environment ur going to interact with .. meaning his family .. and the people around them too.. it’ll also help if you got to meet people from your country living here..
OK my comment is getting pretty much useless.. Im sleepy ;/
ill think ill come back another time..
thank you !
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I think anyone planning on moving to another country/culture should bear in mind that there will be changes to their lives and should be flexible enough to deal with them.
J
lol what perks? if by perks you mean the lack of bigotry/racism/malice, then I do understand my dear.
I have the impression western/white people have more chance, tier-mondistes seem to have a fixation on them somehow.
and is Kuwait not quite culturally diverse now? I suppose natives and foreigners (unless they’re white/western) don’t mingle very much
.
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We mingle delicately here on this blog. Can’t vouch for the “real” world though.
In long term relationships, SNR, it is better to have some common denominators and shared cultural knowledge/experiences to fall back on when times get rough and when the young and rebellious are no longer restless and become just like their mothers and fathers…
Jewaira
Seriously, listen to those who tell you to meet the women in the family. If he is serious – he’ll have you talking to his mother or at least an aunt or two. Male relatives don’t count. If you have known him for a year and a half and have come to Kuwait – you probably should have met them by now. If a man here is serious – things happen fast.
I met my Kuwaiti X-fiance when I was 18. I spoke to his mother 2 months after we met and he sent her my photo. She started sending me gifts right away and having me talk to other members of the family. They were incredibly gracious.
By the way, 25 is not young in the world of marriage in Kuwait. By 29, you’ll be a spinster. By 30 (God forbid), people will wonder if your eggs haven’t already dried up and if you will be able to provide children.
Let me ask you: How was it when you came here? Did he freely take you out in public? Did you meet any female relatives? Friends? What was your “gut” instinct about his intentions?
Knowledge is power, so you are correct in taking the initiative to learn more about the culture and hopefully the laws. Know your rights as well – especially if you plan to marry. Make lawyer friends. Put them on speed dial… Just kidding… kind of.
Feel free to write to me, Sarah. amerab@gmail.com.
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts here Desert Girl
Jewaira
I have a Kuwaiti Girlfriend. I m a european son ( to Delmore Schwartz Lou Reed John Cale )
togheter we are 120/124 I guess.
She is a macigal marvelous mysterie.
I should say, don’t ask Go for It !
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Lucky you!
J
“Oh, but we are on the same wavelength and can get on like a house on fire and all that blah blah.”
It’s much too cliched saying all you need is someone who is sensitive and plugged in to your emotional need. Give me a break; what about physical compatibility and sexual satisfaction?
Just as you would expect to test drive an Audi R8 before writing a cheque surely, you’d want to also test the waters and check out how good is your bf in bed.
That is why live-in relationships make perfect sense. As long as both partners are reading from the same text and have reasonable expectations from the arrangement, live-in relationships can work like clockwork because they are practical.
If you feel you are being either emotionally or physically short changed by your live-in mate you can always demand an ‘out’ and make a fresh start. Don’t brush this suggestion off with disdainful contempt.
After all, marriage and raising a family is not for everyone.
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I see! So you are saying they should live in sin?
Jewaira
mingling with one and all on a blog is devoid of the social stigmas or should i say prejudices that would accompany such real-life situations.
i know it, you know it, we all do.
Can I stick II fingers to the societal establishment?
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By all means.
Welcome back
J
I have nothing more to add here than reading the interesting comments by people
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Enjoy London Amu
J
i need a boyfriend.
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easier said than done
J
I thought of these yesterday and thought of sharing my thought (again):
Work:
Is he gonna demand that you work?
Is he gonna let you work?
Is he gonna force you to stay home?
Drive:
Is he gonna allow you to drive a car?
Is he gonna buy you a car?
(These are related to work — money wise)
Hejab:
Is he gonna force you to wear hejab? (Assuming he’s gonna demand — or his family — that you become a Muslim, though it’s NOT mandatory)
In my opinion, you should make sure that you can get a job here, just in case you needed it at some point of time.
Also keep in mind that he may not take all decisions by himself and members of the family could have influence on him, depending on his personality.
And one advice that I give to all newly married couples: Delay having kids to 2-3 years. That way you can have fun (traveling, less responsibilities, …etc.) and in case you guys had to split (God forbid) there won’t be kids to take the hit for that. — This has to be talked about and agreed upon by both you & him before marriage!!
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Good points to consider MBH
thank you
Jewaira
I know very little about Kuwait, the culture or the people, but I’d advise to stay for a long period and simply be yourself, if people won’t accept you then don’t worry about it as they’re being judgemental and maybe suspicious.
If you’re a good person it will shine through and similar people will see this and welcome you, I know one thing that people from this area are so welcoming and warm but gossip a hell of a lot, just try before you buy, be honest and sincere, it doesn’t really matter about the general people, what matters is what is going on between you and your partner!
I’m English btw, so i could be terribly wrong in the above with a lack of knowledge regarding culture issues.
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Sound advice, Azrael
J
is Nora Chubby?
Nora is on a diet.
Hence Nora is chubby :p
on a diet to get a boyfriend?
yes?
why?
how else?
Find a chubby bf…
Jewaira: Sorry for changing the course of your post :p
i dont want one of them. i like them tall and lean.
Nora: Define “tall” .. just so that you don’t get spammed by those who don’t qualify :p
Don’t worry guys…this is supervised matchmaking after all….no hanky
panky lol
no hanky panky? disappointing.
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Dear, dear! I didn’t know you was into such things! Absolutely lecherous!
J
The best advice you can get is from European women who are married to Kuwaitis. They are the only ones who can give you a true insight for what awaits you!
All the best
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Yes and even that can be varied.
J
like a personal ad..?
Single White Female looking for Single not-too-pale Male ,to share bag(s) of Doritos and Seinfeld marathons while floating on yacht on Med. Must enjoy going on errands, be willing to read out loud, and be super (duper) rich. 23-27yrs, 6-6’3 ft, Non smoker, Non drinker, own teeth a must.
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Dorito flavoured kisses….hmmmm
J
can i change doritos to popcorn? I’m over my doritos phase
Hello Nora
So good of you to update your description of the perfect hunk!
are you a mind reader Nora?
yup.
LMAO this is sooooooooooo too funny, J it’s been a long time i haven’t been in ur boudoir and evidently didn’t change at all … LOVE IT!!! XOXO
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Wonderful to hear from you again Full Moon
J
Nora: If he has to go through reading out loud, squeezing his wallet, stuffing himself with Doritos, I’m sure he’d love to go on errands :p
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Are you wooing Nora? You sound delightful
Jewaira
unfortunately, all my teeth are missing.
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dental technology does wonders these days
j
mon dieu Nora, if you find that man please, please, please let him have a twin!
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Birds of a feather flock together so
if Nora finds that guy, he will surely have a buddy with similar inclinations
Jewaira
not nora- r u nora’s twin?
Single White Female looking for Single not-too-pale Male ,to share bag(s) of Doritos and Seinfeld marathons while floating on yacht on Med. Must enjoy going on errands, be willing to read out loud, and be super (duper) rich. 23-27yrs, 6-6′3 ft, Non smoker, Non drinker, own teeth a must.
Hi, you’re looking for me.
Unfortunately I’m gay.
To much comments to processs
, i would like to ask lady j, if this lady learns Arabic and also speaks it fluently (learns to) would that help her integrate with the family better.
Make her more acceptable to her family, what do you think?
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learning a language always helps..
J
Living in sin is not as “sinful” as it sounds. Indeed; for some, it may seem like divine intervention. On any given day, there are more of us out there in support of this lifestyle choice except most people are found wanting in courage to give their tacit approval and encouragement. Imagine getting to know the father of your children a tad better – warts and all before you actually, let him father them for you, is I think one of the spin-off benefits of live in. Furthermore, live-in maids as a social phenomenon is nothing new here. So people will just have to get used to your live-in partner status.Besides, this is all going to be rather fluid in that someday you may finally decide the time is right to get married. I tell you if we can accept “forced marriages” under the pretext of “arranged marriages”,and “marital rape” under the guise of fulfillment of a contractual obligation we had better get used to this social arrangement between two mutually consenting grown up individuals.
On a different note, it is more of a challenge for two people coming from vastly different regions or countries to unite in marriage than it is for people of different faiths but essentially, belonging to the same region or country. So yes, both of you are going to have to work doubly hard to make a success out of your relationship.
Good luck and God Bless!
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Reading your comment, I thought of something interesting:
Why is it that living together, couples may get along better than if they were legally married?
Jewaira
I am not sure I know the answer to this, Jewaira but I think it’s to do with choice, flexibility and freedom.When you are legally married you are bound by a set of implicit rules and norms laid out by society and the expectation is, at some stage of the proceedings, you will have children your own and raise a family. It is on this latter point, I feel, that puts many young people off the institution of marriage.
Having said that children in a live-in relationship are known to happen though this is still not the done thing even, in the West nor am I advocating doing that. Live-in is akin to a gap year or a stop-gap arrangement if you will, to allow you to focus and to think things through clearly letting you decide before taking the plunge. Basically, when you are married there’s too much pressure to conform to standards of what married life should or should not be, and that is where the crux of the matter lies, I think.
I find it strange and interesting that whereas, on the one hand you have straights wanting to break free from the bondage and shackles that come with staying married and opt instead for a live-in arrangement, gays continue to lobby very hard for marriages and legalization of their civil unions. Can’t quite figure out that dynamic. Maybe some progressive liberal arts school in this country can do a Ph.D thesis on
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Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie have a brood of kids between them and they are still unwed.
Once couples marry, it seems they lose a sense of purpose – to keep the relationship intact.
Jewaira
Haha I think Nora is hilarious.
Sarah, come here, try the food, take a walk in his shoes, meet his family and try to view them as he does, make a friend from the same country as you so you can compare notes, and make up your own mind in the end. I hope it all goes wonderfully, but if it doesn’t, that’s life
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Nora was trying to make it into a Double Dear Jewaira post…but I guess she was not impressed with the replies lol
good advice
Jewaira
Sarah;
let me re-assure you things are not half as bad as they are made out to be.
A Norwegian playwright girlfriend of mine of several years moved to Kuwait which she now proudly calls her home to be with her Bedu boyfriend whom she had met at a cafe in Oslo.
For them it was love at first sight. She took the bold step of moving in with her bf in order to get to know him and understand his culture better. Of course, it helped that they were living together in the bohemian district of Al Rawda where people are generally more adaptable and less rigid. They have been together for 11 years now and I haven’t seen her more happy. In fact, they are set to tie the knot on Feb.14 this year and we wish them very well.
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Hahaahahaah
oh, I beg your pardon!
Al-Rawda is Bohemian?
Where do you get your ideas from Mister?
Jewaira
There weren’t any actual replies for me to be unimpressed by, one was gay, and the other accused me of wallet squeezing. Which, i have to say is a very crude term. i’d like to think of it as sharing.
I didn’t want to hogs Sarah’s post, perhaps if i got my very own..
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I think SNR was flirting with you in his own way…lol
But you’re right. It wasn’t as though you were pursued in any high speed car chase fashion.
It appears the men on this blog lean towards chubby women. I say scrap that diet you might get more responses
J
your very own post in the quest for a boyfriend hahahaha
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You are such a tease….you must be a bit more delicate in your approach SNR
J
and you’re such a mère poule … so, what’s a good approach?
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You must charm her off her feet in the beginning before subjecting her to your brutal sense of humour
Jewaira
LOL you know what, 1 of my female friends recently told me EXACTLY the same thing and i was re-reading these old comments just now. I guess i should have listened to you over 2 years ago
.
Ooooh interesting! We need to talk then. You see, I should be charging for my advice then maybe people would heed it more often
you has got a point …
Best of luck SNR am rooting for you
Be an altruist my dear be altruistic, best things in life are free . . .
http://youtu.be/w_pSCCzuU4Y
Happy happy Sunday
hippy hippy shake
You make me feel like dancing
Your lovin’ don’t pay my bills……. hehehehe
i’d favour the opposite
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Yes
that is what makes you delightful lol
J
“Why is it that living together, couples may get along better than if they were legally married?”
That would be because there are no bonds and no rights to worry about. Whenever you’re bored, you end it. No responsibilities. Just fun.
So when do you marry in such a situation? When you’re with the person that you think is your last chance! Pathetic!
Nora, I’m sorry if I had offended you. Your request for a super (duper) rich dude had me jump to the conclusion (accusation is harsh word)…
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I thought you were quite playful MBH
With regards to live in arrangements: I disagree. I am sure there are responsibilities shared or otherwise.
It may be that there is nothing legally binding that makes the couple work harder at the relationship.
J
I’m not OK with pre-marital relationships. Not gonna go into why; that’d make a very long post.
The responsibilities of living with someone doesn’t differ than those of being with a room mate of the same sex (assuming both are heterosexual!), but are in no way compared to those of marriage.
You don’t need to have sex with someone to know if you love them. That’s absurd.
And what’s wrong with legal bindings? Do you know why there are legal bindings? It’s because no one respects religion anymore; their own religion. So if you;re stirring away from marriage because legal bindings makes it harder for you to maintain a relationship, then you’re too scared to make a mistake, or you already know you’re not willing to spend much time nor effort into marriage.
Living in sin isn’t sinful? I suggest whoever thinks that should watch the movie: “City of Men” — maybe from watching how kids without parents live would warm your cheeks with a nice slap of reality.
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MBH
I was merely thinking aloud…and wondering about some couples. Divorce has become something all too common these days.
I am definitely of the opinion that if you love a woman, you should not dilly dally or beat around the bush but be forthright and ask permission to marry her without delay. It is better for all parties involved.
However, I also believe one should not rush into having children straight away until both are reasonably comfortable within the marriage. That is because once there are children involved, it becomes a messier situation if things don’t work out.
I also believe in commitment and trying to make things work. Marriage is not always a bed of roses but the beauty is in the challenges we face throughout the years of commitment to each other.
You said:
I’m not OK with pre-marital relationships. Not gonna go into why; that’d make a very long post.
I think it is good that you are clear about that. The sad thing is that many men do indulge in premarital relationships and then when it does come time for them to marry, they will not select anyone with whom they have had a relationship before. This is a double standard.
BHS- u don’t have to be sorry, im not offended.
i was merely pointing out the dire lack of prospective bfs…
Although, i do see how hijacking a post and turning it into a (failed) audition might freak the eligible out.
Anyways you needn’t worry, i wont be after your wallet since you inclined to let your mummy pick out a wife.
Jewaira, I totally agree with you, and as I mentioned before: My advice to all newly wed is to delay having kids for 2 years or 3.
Nora, I never said that I’d let my mom pick out my wife (not that there’s anything wrong with it). I just said that I’m not OK with premarital relationships; this doesn’t mean you can’t get to meet people at college/work and get to analyze their behaviors and actions.
Personally, I wouldn’t let mom pick me a wife. I’ve seen her taste; I’m not into it. I’ve come across many great girls at college and when time comes, they’d make great candidates.
One last thing: The more people run after money, the less time they have to live their lives. (Unless it was inherited. That’d be awesome)
What’s religion got to do with any of this?
One may be a deeply devout person and still be crap husband material or much worse, a lousy human being. On the other hand one could be an agnostic and yet be a terrific husband and a wonderful person, in general. Till such time you feel you are not ready for it, don’t just go traipsing along the aisle – hoping and praying things will ultimately work out between you and your partner.
is harmless. Similarly, live-in partnerships can let one decide whether they are compatible with a prospective husband or wife or not. After all, for most marriages to work there’s a rule of 50/50 : 50% of it is intellectual and emotional chemistry and the other half is physical chemistry.
In my view, marriage is not a means to an end; it is an end. So, meeting and dating (not much different from meet & greet at the airport I dare suppose
With all due apologies to MBH.
Had meant to post a comment with the moniker – PBH
What’s religion got to do with any of this?
One may be a deeply devout person and still be crap husband material or much worse, a lousy human being. On the other hand one could be an agnostic and yet be a terrific husband and a wonderful person, in general. Till such time you feel you are not ready for it, don’t just go traipsing along the aisle – hoping and praying things will ultimately work out between you and your partner.
In my view, marriage is not a means to an end; it is an end. So, meeting and dating (not much different from meet & greet at the airport I dare suppose is harmless. Similarly, live-in partnerships can let one decide whether they are compatible with a prospective husband or wife or not. After all, for most marriages to work there’s a rule of 50/50 : 50% of it is intellectual and emotional chemistry and the other half is physical chemistry.
PBH, If that person is TRULY devoted in his/her religion, then s/he wouldn’t be a lousy person. If s/he was, then what s/he’s doing is just acting and he’s only fooling himself.
The way I see it, religion is a way of life; be it Islam, Christianity or Jewish, only the latter were changed by people while Islam’s core (Holy Quran) hasn’t changed.
I haven’t read a single order in the Quran that was against the benefit of humans.
I didn’t say that non-religious people are bad at marriages. I said that people have no respect for religion teachings, which has brought “law” into picture (to satisfy the freedom-of-religion activists).
Die Religion ist das Opium des Volkes
(religion is the opiate of the masses)
Karl Marx.
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I believe we are all gaining an education here, in some way or another.
Jewaira
I think you’re taking this waaaaay too seriously.
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You started this….now you end it
Jewaira
aren’t you serious Nora? I was just about to start being all nice and gentlemanly
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Wicked fun. Period.
Jewaira
I was replying to Anonymous’s (#49) post mainly. Sorry if this got carried away.
I’ll go mind my own business now.
I waaaaaaas expecting droves of eligible bachelors, not a theology debate and MBH’s panties to go into a twist.
Nora: it seems that you’re not having much luck online – just like in real life?
Hey Sarah,
How goes it ? Although this is going pretty much close to the bone, the following are some of the issues for you to mull over :
a) does he want you to convert after marriage.
b) is he adamant to turn you into a muhajaba doll.
c) is he willing to practise safe sex and/or adopt contraceptive measures till you both are ready to start a family.
d) wants to go nuclear or stay in a joint family.
e) is he caring and sensitive toward blue collared workers and the domestics which is indicative of his moral fibre.
If you pop him this check-list and sit down, and discuss with him these points over coffee and dates, you will arrive at some kind of a definitive conclusion.
It doesn’t matter anymore I’ve given up. My spinning wheel should be here in 3-5 working days.
spinning the spinster wheel may be your best option as a matter of fact.
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Why can’t we all behave as mature adults?
J
where’s the fun in that?
I guess it’s time to get out my lunging whip
Yeah…let’s mingle delicately , …
take religion and opiate waaaaay seriously,
like masses, too stay out
is that a haiku?
haiku from a daku
In humans
nothing is worse than
cleverness
Onitsura
At the sound of footsteps
it divided in two -
the shadow
Anonymus
Visitors
kindly create a path
through the snow at my gate
Issa
Haiku Humor
by Stephen Addis
with Fumiko and Akira Yamamoto
Boston Weaterhill London
2007
I find it fascinating how you wonderful readers from all corners of the globe have taken this conversation to limits I did not foresee.
you need to open your mind channels
dear Jewaira, can you tell me what’s a daku ? I diditnot find locate strike spot in any dictionary.
daku means gangster lol
Is it a comming together from DAnger and KUwaiti ?
lol too !
Daku denotes a North Indian bandit like the type like the type you have in India’s ruling elite. LMAO!
I’m starting to think u can make up any acronym and shame the ignorant into accepting it as standard.
sure, except that daku’s not an acronym, but now am wondering whether your name’s one.
were you googling for boyfriends when you came across this post/blog?
Thanks for explanation !
Why isnt it an acronym?
Google wont work, its not a plumber I’m after.
Anyways I’ve moved onto plan E; The Secret. According to the book if I set up a dinner place setting for an imaginary person (ie BF) one will magically appear. I might even make conversation with the empty chair to speed things up.
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Nora
and do come in handy lol
Tara plumbers can be damned sexy
Jewaira
plumbers huh? but jewaira’s got a point, everybody needs good joints
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I’m so glad you agree with me for once SNR!
J
not sure we mean the same thing tho (shino) lol
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lets pretend then
j
i dont like to pretend
Hiya!
I have a close friend who is or rather, was in a similar station in life as Sarah. About a week back, I get a call from her bf in Kuwait City who informs me she has eloped with an investment banker from Abu Dhabi. Apparently, she was not enamored enough by her ex’s choice of scented latex which they were using. You’d think people change partners for compatibility and wavelength issues, or for something more serious such as, infidelity.But clearly, as in this instance; the tipping point can be entirely superfluous and trifling. I tell you It’s a mad mad mad mad world out there!
Dear Jewaira posts are supposed to be sincere, and serious. You guys have taken it to unprecedented satirical levels.
Who turned the lights out up there?
ohh you’re disappointed that it’s finally come to an end so you’re scheming for a post revival
As an american about to get married to a kuwaiti, some of the posts have made me sad and other have been very informative.
Women can be cruel when we should be helping one another, love is often unexplainable….I agree and have seen several foreign friends meet and marry kuwaitis,
Family is a huge issue, but the best advice on this page is to get in good with the moms and most likely they will be very polite at meeting you, it will be difficult to judge if they like you, your man might even tell you they do just to make you feel better but truth be told if they love their son and trust his judgment they will allow the marriage and regardless of their first feelings for you being a non-kuwaiti, they will grow to love you as their own and the longer you are in there lives the more palatable the situation will be to them and if your plan is to have children after seeing you pregnant with their grandchild all will be forgiven.
I am sure you are smart and have gotten a lot of information from your boyfriend already as you have been with him for quite sometime, He’ll have to clue you in on the finer points right before meeting them, whos who and things they like so you have things to talk about, but you’ll do great and if you love one another you’ll do great!!!!!
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Thank you Eliza
There have been many marriages between Kuwaitis and non-Kuwaitis. Like any other marriages, some are good, some are not. Some last, some do not.
There are basic components of every marriage like respect, understanding, selflessness, loyalty, and a willingness to accommodate your partner regardless
J
All things considered, Sarah, for someone like you to move to Kuwait you must first consult with your skin therapist for a suitable moisturiser for your skin. I suggest you splash on a cream with a SPF of at least 50 to brave the hot Kuwaiti summers.
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Sure, unless her husband is the kind that will send her off to cooler climes for the duration of the summer heat
J
Dear Sarah,
This is going to be a bit long but it is meant to help you.
I am European, over 30 years old and married to Kuwaiti. I arrived to Kuwait last year and, although I have been over 10 years with my husband (we married last year but we have been together much longer), nothing could have prepared me for the shock. During all these years, I have literally fried him with all type of questions (I love him but I wanted to know exactly where I was getting myself into). He never told me that his mother was going to give me such a hard time. She is not Kuwaiti herself and I thought that this would make her understand & accept me better but I couldn’t be more far from the truth. I don’t think she hates me but she doesn’t like me either. She keeps telling me how good is her son and that he could have married a great Kuwaiti girl but, instead, he married me…charming, isn’t she?
She is constantly degrading me or trying to. She can’t care less if I have a University degree, I come from a good family..etc. My husband defends me but still wants me to be patient because he thinks his mom is just jealous and one day will accept me. I happen to think differently but I love him and will work on improving my relation with her…although I won’t give her the chance to bully me no more…enough is enough.
I kind of understand…my dad is also a difficult person, although at a different level…I mean, my dad is very bossy but not racist. He was worried about me going to live in such a different country but accepted him straightaway, never has given him a bad look or a bad answer . The rest of his family have been really good to me…a but intrusive but still caring. …And I say intrusive because anything you do (at least in his family) becomes a debate in the house. Everybody has a say in your private business (and I am not use to this at all). Well…I am used to get an opinion but here more than an opinion is an order and, if you dare to do your thing, then everybody says you are being stubborn and remind you that you are in Kuwait and have to do like Kuwaities. Excuse me…I am still European (although this is irrelevant…I am an individual, with my own personality and that should be enough) and I will listen to advices but, at the end of the day, it will always be my choice.
I have converted to Islam and wear hiyab. I have never been a party girl…probably this is way we connected so well and when I talk about doing my thing, I talk mainly about things I buy for the house. I seem never to be making the right choice. It’s very tiring…
So, just as a piece of advice, ask him as many questions as you need to: will you have to become muslim, is his family conservative, will his mother accept you (this part is very important), will you be able to go out alone shopping ( I am not…at least for the moment. My husband says he wants to make sure I know the country well…I hope so because I don’t like to be babysitted), etc
However, all these things are meaningless if you love each other deeply. Love can break all kind of barriers.
I wish you the best of luck
Anonymous
Thank you for your honesty and your frank advice.
I detect some sadness despite it all. It can’t be easy but then marriage is hardly ever an easy path even between people of the same nationality.
I wish you the best of luck and thank you so much for sharing your experience with us
anonymous, that was really beautiful to read..
I too, have a friend in a similiar situation. she is petrified. she is meeting the in-laws any day now and really doesn’t have a clue what to say, wear, do…
inshallah it will all work out for her..
good luck to the girl up in the post :*
xx
Hi Jewaira & Anon,
Thanks for your replies…I am being very honest here and hope not to bring down the mood…
Jewaira…you got me…I am sad most of the time but I am trying to cheer up and adapt to my new life.
Not to be able to go out on my own, whenever I need to, makes me feel like I am in a jail. But specially the relation with my mother in law has made me very bitter and I don’t like to feel like this. I can’t talk in front of her…she gives me dirty looks and makes me feel so rejected.
Sometimes she has a nice gesture with me and then, not to make me get used to that, she gives me a hard time…for any reason.
My husband works in the morning and, in the afternoon,he says he is tired and not always feels like going out. He asks me to go with his sisters. I am ok with that but not all the time, specially because they put their nose on anything I want to buy for my apartment or my baby (I am expecting a baby). I have lost my free will. They also ask me loads of questions about my life and then go to their mother with the gossip. Therefore I have to be always very careful with what I say.
I think I am being a bit selfish but I can’t help it. I imagined my married life differently. Because we all live in the same house (different apartments but same house), he spends loads of time with his mom and brothers. I have complained to him about it and for a day or two he tries to pay me more attention but then he is back to his ways. I know family life is important in Kuwait. Ok, in my country is also important but, once you get married, we do not spend time with our parents every single day of the week. We get busy with our children and stuff.
I just hope my life will change for the best when my baby comes. At least it will keep me busy.
Thanks for reading me.
Aisha
You are committed to this man and you have decided to persevere despite all the difficulties and to have his child. I hope in the long run it will turn out better for you.
I am sorry you have to go through this.
I think it would be very wise for you to gather a support group around you of women that share your same background. If you cannot go out and meet them, then have them over at your place. I am sure your husband wouldn’t object to you having friends over.
There is the AWARE center in Surra (see Events page on this blog). They have activities.
I hope you will be able to develop a circle of friends and acquaintances who will support you through this time especially since you feel like an outsider in your new family.
It is unfortunate that some Kuwaiti families (mainly women) do not accept foreign women or outsiders readily into the family. It does not mean they hate you; it is just an insecurity.
Please don’t hesitate to remain in contact with us on the blog
The crux of the matter is although you can easily take a Kuwaiti out of Kuwait you really can’t take Kuwait out of a Kuwaiti, as my ex is finding out moving in with her Kuwaiti boy friend in Luxembourg. And I don’t necessarily mean that as a negative thing.
Peace
Hi Jewaira,
You are right…I shouldn’t sit alone anymore. I need friends outside this family so I can be myself and talk freely. Thanks for the advise for letting me blow some steam in your blog.
It makes me feel much better.
Take care
eadeda
i am looking for a girlfriend please contact me as soon as possible.
male.
age: 27 yeasrs.
The fuck Faydoun? ppl are known to change colors? she asked about life here in kuwait not a reavaluation/ reassesment of what she should think of her bf. really gay