Daily Doses July 12, 2008
Posted by jewaira in Family, Lifestyle, Links, Love, Men, Relationships, Sex, Women.trackback
Charla Muller gave her husband a memorable gift for his 40th birthday: daily sex for a year.
The linked article explores the reason for Charla Muller’s unusual birthday gift to her husband and the difficulties and reactions she faced along the way. Out of this experience emerged her book: 365 Nights: A Memoir of Intimacy
Another book on the same subject was also written recently by Douglas Brown’s Just Do It: How One Couple Turned off the TV and Turned on Intimacy for 101 days
It may be inconceivable for unmarried or newly married couples to understand how anyone in their right mind would refuse sex or any advances but it does happen between long term partners. The spark is lost somewhere between managing a household, raising demanding children, and holding down a job. Somehow at the end of it all, something has to be sacrificed and most often it is sexual intimacy.
I received a message some time ago from a reader who was distraught at the lack of intimacy and spontaneity in her marriage after the birth of consecutive children. It had been a torrid love affair and they were very happily married but as time went by, the wife has come to dread sex and performs out of duty rather than desire and more often than not refuses her husband’s advances.
Any partner, man or woman, who is constantly refused by the other will eventually look to fill that void elsewhere. This does not necessarily mean an illicit affair; it could just mean another interest or hobby to compensate for the emotional gap.
Is it possible to have sex daily with your husband? Wouldn’t he get bored? Wouldn’t he feel the stress of having to perform on a daily basis? Would he be as attentive as sex once or twice a week or would he just do it to get it over with?
What about your wife? How do you get her in the mood every day? How do you keep up that daily interest for a whole year? How will she find the time and interest in between baby, tutoring the other kids, and going to work?
When we live with our marriage partners, our lives are open books. There is little mystique in our personalities and there is little allure left, urging them to chase after us or to seek us out: we are always expected to be there and sometimes they get less than first priority on the daily “to do” lists.
This perfectly explains why my cousin Emshairy spends hours n hours welding in his garage —
it also explains why khaled my other cousin long deep sea fishing excursions —
jassim’s sudden obsession with carpentry —
nassooor’s new found hobby in renovating old vintage automobiles–
and the list goes on n on on onnnnnnnn —
hehehehe makes perfect sense to me now
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So,….that is their reason.
Your poor cousins
lol
Jewaira
Jewaira, I am reminded of a group of women who were discussing how men don’t like “high maintenance” women. All of them agreed that men abhor such women.
Then one woman said, “My husband doesn’t seem to mind the fact that I am high maintenance as long as I give him a blow job every day.”
I don’t think women are taught and do not realize what a powerful effect a woman has on a man when she takes care of him sexually — yes, almost every day.
I assume that the effect on women is also great. In less than 15 minutes a day, a couple can keep their relationship close if only they will do it.
I think young people should be taught this lesson as part of pre marriage counseling.
(Incidentally, 15 minutes is the amount of time Amsterdam prostitutes spend with clients, for 50 Euros.)
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I guess if we could start off with a plan we would get somewhere
And that is quite interesting about Amsterdam prostitutes. It would be just enough time for the man not to suffer any remorseful thoughts that disable his performance!:P
Jewaira
ah so a period of 15min has been proven to be the optimal time for remorseless /guiltfree sex with random prostitutes.
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Are you after me again? lol
Jewaira
Perhaps this is slightly off the specifics of the topic, but it never ceases to amaze me the lengths human beings will go for sex. Lives have literally been destroyed - snuffed out - by jealous lovers or spouses, all for sex. Is it really worth all that we put of ourselves into getting it? Really?
I know that I am older than most who carry on with blogs and such, and perhaps my age has sufficiently dulled my sex drive to allow me to ponder such things. I’m not at all saying that sex is a bad thing - not at all. As the saying goes here in East Texas, “…the worst I ever had was wonderful.” But is it really worth the value we seem to attach to it?
Having been married three times, I can personally state without equivocation, I would NOT want to have sex every night with any of my wives! Well, not after the first couple of months, anyway…
Just a thought… pardon the interruption.
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That was a most amusing comment lol
I detected a note of alarm in the last paragraph
You may be wiser, but in the throes of lust and passion, one becomes a madman (woman?) no matter what one’s age is….I think it’s just a matter of the right chemistry…and that certainly doesn’t happen all the time.
Jewaira
LOL at just another entry on the “to do” list, but you are right, when you have little children to get to school, a job and it’s demands, and still have to get the laundry done and dinner on the table, you can feel a little unromantic. The good news is - there are random times when all of a sudden nothing else matters and it’s all as wild and wonderful as it ever was.
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I wonder if most husbands are turned on by the sight of a woman hard at work doing housework?
And if so, what does that mean? lol
Jewaira
I’m always sad to hear tht people sacrafice this part of their lives for other things. Jobs and kids come and then they are gone, your parter is there forever, make time for them!
Who would’ve ever thought that something so simple would be a plot for a book? LOL
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Sigh
Those were exactly my thoughts! What a wonderful idea for a book…and she had fun in the process lol
I was surprised by the comments on the article though: many commentators thought that was not an appropriate topic
Jewaira
Jewaira I’m sure it is because many people recognize their own lives in this and don’t like it one bit?
Just dare your partner that it will happen every night every now and then and whoever cries “Uncle” first loses!
Can make life very interesting. 
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Hmm that may be true. I think it is a great idea and I’m sure it was a big challenge to write it.
The other book, written by the guy, seems funny; I read an excerpt on Amazon and his style is a bit humorous.
So…it’s time to be daring lol
Here goes…
Jewaira
Not at all, I was just pointing out your use of precise timing information.
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Well, you’re the man with all that kind of information.
I was only making an educated guess
Jewaira
ladies, ladies, ladies here is a bit of advice for you : besides the chores, cooking , raising kids please ,please don’t let cravings like eating chocolate or pickles or a head of lettuce while watching TV come between you and your husband who is holding his joystick in his hand trying to get it plugged in your playstation, because it will be game over sooner than you think .
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Aah, it seems now all the blame is on the poor ladies! lol
What if it’s the husband who is “faach” and sits like a zombie in front of his laptop or the TV watching football? What then
Jewaira
I don’t have the information, i just guard it.
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Guard it well then…and please give us your two centimes on the subject at hand in the post.
J
Remind me of the topic again: Is it about finding a hobby when sex gets boring?
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Sex? Who mentioned that?
Jewaira
ok here i am http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEXUDJq-6dA&feature=related
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Nice
How did this comment end up here?
Jewaira
Oh God… everyday for a year? That’s intense…
I am too tired to read the article, but did it work out for the two of them?
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Jewaira
Ms.Jewaira if that’s the case then :
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put a “faach “husband together again
come to think of it , the term ” not tonight honey i have a headache ” is longer in widespread use as it used to be before the age of the laptop
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What term has come to replace that? Or are you saying everyone is sexed up?
Jewaira
I am a female and am not sure my playstation can handle a joystick EVERY DAY. I dont know about you ladies, but I work… and after having worked, cleaned, bathed, etc… there are days I would rather not have anyone BREATHE on me, so much as have a joystick.(or not so joy cause I would have to bathe AGAIN) poke me…
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Hahaha
well, if he’s clean, there’s no problem with that..it’s actually quite intense to have sex after a bath, during a bath, and before a bath as well
Jewaira
hey - lemme tell ya — i read the book and it’s awful.
if you like hearing about how fat, Christian, Republican and Southern she is - it’s fine.
and if you like prose that goes on and on and on aimlessly - go for it.
but, really this book is a complete sham. she didn’t even do it 365 days and had a CO-WRITER (for a book about sex w/ her husband - how WEIRD is that), nor did she actually define “sex” — it could have been spooning or a year of cuddling. who knows, and quite frankly after you read the book, if you can slog through it - you really don’t care.
my friend recommended JUST DO IT by Douglas Brown - a hip Colorado couple who did it for 101 days. apparently it’s hysterical and very well written.
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The people having the best sex are out there enjoying it and not sharing it with others I guess lol
Jewaira
Well, the man and I discussed it… we both agree that the daily fun isn’t going to happen, so we decided to compromise. Miss a day, make up for it. I personally think that make-ups are more fun…
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If you make up a day that means you plan on it ahead of time.
Now I wonder if planning to have sex will put a damper on it (for married couples that is…we know that unmarried ones need to plan lol)
Does it build up excitement or will it cause one of the partners to fret?
Jewaira
OOOOOH, I did forget to mention… We also decided to make a friendly wager…
we are going to see how long we can go without needing a break. The is for ONCE A DAY loving, excluding the mandatory days Muslim’s are supposed to refrain. I put my money on 30 days. He is at 90. Anyone want to place their two cents in?
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So it’s lovemaking once a day for 30 days for you and he is willing to go longer…mashallah good for you guys. Keep us posted and I for one shall be rooting for you.
Jewaira
ZZZzZZzzzzZZzzZzzZzzzZzzz Consider something more revolutionary; having sex every day of the year but with someone else every time. I think that’s far more interesting. I’ve tried it a few times. It’s pretty good actually, once you get past all the paranoia about catching STDs, or waiting on the woman to confirm she’s not pregnant or on her blood test results.
But it’s all good.
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Now I know you’re mad…lol
Jewaira
No, we wouldn’t be planning ahead to miss a day.
No preplanning to skip (although I might have to every now and then and not tell him)
Its easier for a man. I think. Go figure he would wager 2 months longer than me.
The more I think about it… he might be able to go that long. I am not sure my playstation can handle all that joysticking. HMMMMM
In the book, was it all about the poking? Or were other “games” considered suffiice? A whole year of playing with the poke seems… er, PAINFUL
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I’m sure a whole year of daily sex would work wonders on anyone….and from what I understood, no the author did not seem to have daily penetrative sex but variety is the spice of life even when we must adhere to a daily routine lol
Jewaira
Just sharing my experiences dear. But if I’m to be publicly humiliated like those folks in American Idol, I will not be doing that again.
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You’re wonderful and shall never be humiliated in the Boudoir
Jewaira
I guess in order to keep the heat on in bed, even for long termed couples, is to explore new things and open themselves to new sexual ideas (and I don’t mean role playing).
For example, if the old couple weren’t fit or got overweight then the two can enroll to a gym together and then take a shower together at the end of the day. Furthermore, their bodies are bound to change and thus the couple might get interested to “investigate the renew bodily changes” and thus get motivated to stay healthy for the rest of their lives.
Stay in a five star hotel for the weekend isn’t bad either, I read somewhere that sometimes the same setting can turn off some people, so maybe the change of scenery could do the trick.
There are sooooo many things to do to rekindle the magic and the spark, all you need is to think outside the box a little, and BAMM, you are in heaven
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Angelo
Definitely easier said than done but you are very correct on the point of doing things together (fun things) like special trips (very well planned and thought out) to break the monotony.
Long term couples fall into a security trap and sometimes do not make the extra effort I guess to put special time for a relationship.
One woman I know always utilized her husband’s business trips to do some quick redecorating in the bedroom or in their sitting room….either a change in arrangement or adding something new (new bedlinen or having reupholstery done for furniture). She knew this pleased him and he knew that she was doing this for him.
Jewaira
The longest I managed to have sex daily with my partner: 3 solid years.
Of course, there must be a strong level of desire and passion to accomplish this, but it also takes much selflessness and a lot of consideration for your partner’s feelings.
Agreeing to never use the “I’m too tired” excuse, or the “I have a headache” excuse, is also a plus.
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Good points: agreeing about situations where you anticipate might be the beginning of a problem is definitely good preparation.
Jewaira