“The man is the biggest of all the donkeys,” said Abdelkibir Errami, [....vice president [of the Islamic Center of Roubaix]. “Even if the woman was no longer a virgin, he had no right to expose her honor. This is not what Islam teaches. It teaches forgiveness.” Link

The reason for my previous post regarding the film Corazones de Mujer, was to highlight the degree in which the issue of proving a female’s virginity has become a necessity for some Muslims living in the West before getting married.

For some, it is now not enough to hang out the bloodied sheet on the wedding night. Some families are now demanding certificates of virginity before a couple can get married.

Because of this, some young women are resorting to hymenoplasty , surgery to restore the hymen, before marriage whether they have been sexually active or not (meaning the hymen may have been damaged by non-sexual means). Needless to say, it is a growing method to deal with this dilemma of proving one’s virginity to one’s in-laws or husband to be.

Recently in the news, we heard of the French Muslim man who dashed out of the nuptial chambers on his wedding night and declared he was cheated and that despite what he was promised, the “good”s he had received were “damaged”. The next day his lawyer petitioned the marriage to be annulled by a French court. This created a furor and the anullment was stopped. Now all the poor bride wants is her freedom from this “biggest of all the donkeys” whose own virginity may be questionable as well.

This type of bad press is not what we need to portray the Islamic religion and the many ways it has stipulated for us to deal with such predicaments. It was certainly uncalled for to make such a big fuss.

I recall reading one story of a Muslim man who had married a woman and found she was already pregnant (whether by consensual premarital sex or rape I am not sure). Anyway, this man did not say a word about his wife’s pregnancy and advised her not to say anything either. They went away to a far away village where no one knew them and when it was time for her to deliver, he had a midwife come to the house and assist in his wife’s delivery. He then swaddled  the infant and placed him by the mosque, just before the fajer prayers and left him there.  Soon, he came back to the mosque for the fajer prayers and found some people gathered around the abandoned infant. He spoke out and offered to adopt him as his own. Not only did his wife get her child back but he also protected his and her reputation by his good deeds.

I am not undermining the concept of virginity. Honour is something that is felt and irreplaceable. However, not all is what it seems and sometimes even if a bride’s hymen is intact, it does not necessarily mean she has not had any sexual experience. And certainly, bachelor men who have sex right left and center, should not be too picky when it comes to choosing their marriage partners and demand a virgin because as far as the bride is concerned, she is also getting “used goods” as well. Where’s the justice in that??