I write my

love poems
on the petals
of fiery blooms;

passionate colours
bursting
through the morning
light.
====

Earth hour in Kuwait from 8 to 9 pm tonight.

Participate by switching off all unneeded appliances and lights from 8 to 9 pm.

Dear Readers,

We haven’t had a Dear Jewaira post in sometime. Here is one to wrap up March. As usual, the reader has asked for your opinions.

Although most of the issues discussed are relationship ones, you are welcome to send in any other topics you wish.

Thanks

=================================

Dear Jewaira,

I’ve been wanting to write to you for a long time but I just don’t know where to begin. I apologise in advance for this very long letter.

I haven’t been very lucky in love. Sometimes I think this could have been because I bring it on myself. A few years ago I met and fell in love with a wonderful man and he loved me too. To make a long story short, I am Sunni, he was Shia, his parents didn’t accept and we separated.

It took me 2-3 years to fully get over this man (I dated others but nothing serious). I moved from the UK to a Middle Eastern country last year (I’m half Arab, half European). I had no hope of finding somebody here, as although I have been brought up mostly as an Arab Muslim, my mentality is somewhat different to people here and there is no doubt that living in the UK influenced a little of my way of thinking. I met a couple of people, and they confirmed my thoughts.

About a year ago, I went to an event with my dad. We met a guy there who he has worked with in the past. He is two years older than me. After that night I completely forgot about him, although from time to time he’d email or call on holidays. A few months down the line, I had just moved to a new job and wasn’t feeling too happy. This was four months ago. I happened to see him online and we began chatting. He felt that I was upset and decided to take me to dinner that day to cheer me up. The rest is history as you say. We became very good friends. I liked his way of thinking. We became very close and i slowly started to feel something for him, and i think he felt the same way too. I pushed these thoughts to the back of my mind as there was one very very big problem - although he is Arab, he is Christian. No problem, I had gotten used to not being with the guy I wanted, I could get over this, and anyhow he was a very good friend. But the thing is my feelings got stronger and one day he confessed he liked me. Actually more than liked. My immediate answer was: It’s impossible. He told me nothing is impossible if you don’t want it to be. I mentioned the religion problem and he said that if we were to become really serious about each other he would convert. I went home that night, not knowing what to think or what to do. Eventually I succumbed and decided to try it out. I had had enough of being sensible all the time, I’d lost a love before due to similar issues and I didn’t want to do that again.

Let me tell you about him. He is a wonderful man, kind, caring, generous, and so so loving. He would do anything for me. I’ve had men love me before to the point of loving too much, but they were what I’d call wimps - and that doesn’t attract me at all. He’s not like that at all. I’ve never met anyone like him before. He makes me feel good about myself. He has shown me a side of love I’ve never seen before. He makes me laugh and I am never ever bored when I’m with him. He is willing to sacrifice and change a lot for me. Trust me if you know me, I get bored pretty quickly. Not only that but he has a good job, a good education and has a great future ahead of him, career wise. I could go on and on about his great qualities but I think you got the picture. And no, it’s not infatuation, or somebody who falls in love very quickly. He is just amazing.

So where is the problem? The fact that I am Muslim and he is Christian. I’m not a strict Muslim, I’m not even veiled but I do respect my religion and practice what I can. When I think about the person I want to be with, I want him to be a good Muslim, so we can work together towards becoming better Muslims and raise our children that way. The guy that I am dating is not really a practising Christian and always says to me that if he could choose he would actually be Buddhist, as he loves their philosophy. However for me, he would convert to become a Muslim.

I hope and wish that he would read a little of my wonderful religion and maybe over time he would believe in it in his heart but after asking him many times he has told me he is converting only for me and not because he will ever believe. My mum was a Catholic when my parents married. Eighteen years later of her own accord she converted to Islam. I really wish this would happen with him. But the more I speak to him about it the more I feel he will never do that.

I feel torn between having the man I want for the rest of my life, to being worried about living with a non-Muslim and the consequences of this for my future. A very small example of this being that he drinks and I just cannot tolerate drinking. He told me he will never give up drinking. He only drinks socially but still this is a problem for me. I lived in the UK all my life and studied on campus and not once touched a drop of drink (even though I went clubing regularly and drinking is a huge part of uni life there)! This is how strongly I feel about it!
There are far bigger issues than drinking going through my mind but this is just an example. Of course, my dad accepting is another problem and society accepting our marriage too (I’m from a well known family here) but I’ll think about that later. Religion is what is on my mind. Everytime I think of leaving him for this reason I feel my heart is breaking in two. I hope I got across the fact that he is (nearly) the man of my dreams. But I have the religion issue on my conscious and I don’t know If I can ever forget that. Any one who practices religion must understand my predicament. I only want the best for my future husband, I want him practicing what I do, I want us to share things together, to help each other become better people and achieve the best and to help each other with children. Not only that but I always worry, things may be good now (and i do believe they will stay good, he has a good heart) but what if after marriage things turn sour down the line. Without similar objectives how could we survive?

So the advice I need is: what do I do?

Do I stay with him and see what happens, maybe in time he will slowly decide to read up on my religion, or is it a hopeless case and do I just get out now (although I love him, so it will still be painful). I plan on praying Istikhara, but I would love yours and your reader’s advice. I know I put myself in this situation, and I should have learnt from the last time, but I’m fed up of constantly worrying about the future and being the sensible one.

Regards,

Bittersweet

Several nights ago when I came back from my outing, I had a desire to linger in the garden and water the plants. It had been hot during the day and an evening watering helps them retain moisture for the day ahead. The driver waters the garden regularly but I enjoy washing off all the foliage and giving the plants and bushes a good wash down since our weather has been somewhat dusty.

I enjoyed my moments showering my plants and I felt they were happy as well with my attention, seeming to glow under the full moon’s light.

When I was done though, I did not put the hose back neatly into its cabinet like I found it. I just piled it in one place guiltily and scurried indoors to change out of my damp garments.

As I came out of the house again on another errand, I saw the driver putting the hose neatly away in the cabinet and closing it with a final click.

I apologized with a wide, embarrassed smile: “Sorry, I didn’t put the hose back.”

He looked at me with a half smile and said in a very quiet voice: “You only have to say. And I will water the plants.”

“Huh?”

Again, he said: “You only have to tell me and I will do it; I will water the plants for you.”

I kept thinking about what he had said. Sometimes the smallest pleasures in our homes are taken away by the domestic help we employ. I  must have been trespassing on his property and he felt somewhat offended that I did the job allotted to him. Or perhaps he was annoyed with the messy puddles of water I had made in the courtyard.

you were

in your absence

embodied
in many little things

you
appeared
in many painful apparitions

you
left
too many detailed reminders

and no reason why;

I bleed.

We’ve discussed this before: married couples who have incompatible sleep patterns suffer from lack of sleep and relationship problems.

Before marriage, one has rosy dreams of going to bed with one’s partner at the same time every night , cuddling in each other’s arms after a good night kiss and turning off the light to drift off into peaceful slumber.

Of course that is not always the case. There is snoring, there is the partner who moves excessively, the partner who kicks, who has nightmares, who talks in their sleep, or the one who makes noise and wakes you up when finally making it to bed.

More couple are opting to sleep apart in separate beds or bedrooms in order to insure a proper night’s rest. As discussed in this article,Sleeping apart: the key to a happy marriage this move helps a marriage that is ailing from incompatible sleep patterns that lead one or both partners to the end of their tether.

One commentator in the linked article said that she had two large separate beds in her bedroom, and that was a great help to their relationship.

I am a great advocate of shared beds myself. The bed should be large enough to allow each partner free movement to sleep cuddled or to spread out as needed. But the need for a body close enough, emitting warmth, is essential and I would put up with a lot of interruptions to continue having that.

I fear

…….

not because

I fear

……

but because

I am weary

and too emotionally raw

to go through
it all again

===

so I pour this
numbing solution
onto this open
wound

and it makes the pain
subside
for a while.

===============

The results of a survey of 3,000 women has determined the following:

The Greatest Fashion Inventions Ever

1. Push-up bra -   depends on how much cleavage you want exposed
2. Boot cut jeans -   comfy

3. Pull-in pants -   security & confidence

4. Stilettos -   for the ultimate in assertive sexiness

5. Little Black dress -   always comes in handy
6. Hipster jeans -   for certain figures it can be flattering

7. Mini skirt -   not for thunder thighs

8. Strapless bra -   very definitely useful for those strapless evening gowns

9. Support tights -   so handy for long days at the office
10. Kitten heels -  meow
11. Stockings -    sexy especially when he does up the suspenders
12. Sports bra -   so you don’t bounce all over the place

13. G-String -   who says there are no panty lines? You can always tell when a woman is wearing a g-string; it shows

14. Flip flops -  comfy; useful
15. Chicken Fillets -  Madree; don’t know what those are
16. Pencil skirt -   very alluring
17. Hot pants -   for those hot summer days (at home though )

18. Boy-shorts - they have a funny  name
19. Trainer socks - for wearing on hard floors

20. Comfortable trainers - heavenly

What are chicken fillets???

And what about the Swarovski  crystal studded abayas and hijabs?

I didn’t think

that

by the time

the flowers

in my garden

bloomed,

you

would

be

gone

===

the joyous

chorus

of oranges,

purples,

whites,

reds, and

deep yellows

now

seem to me

forlorn

====

A transgender “male” is pregnant by donor sperm and expecting in early July 2008 . He is legally male and legally married to partner of ten years Nancy. Due to gynecological problems, the partner Nancy could not become pregnant so the pregnancy is carried by the husband (who supposedly still has female sexual organs).

Some interesting comments on this subject at BoingBoing.

More info here in case the link below does not work.

Original story at the Advocate
I could care less what people decide to do with their own lives as long as they don’t harm me or anyone else. But when the issue involves another person’s life, it seems a very unethical to mess and if this story is true, it would be unfair for the unborn child.

Aysha Al-Marta once described love as a revered but fleeting emotion, the truest love being that of a mother for her child. A mother’s love is based on selfless sacrifice and sincerity with no expectations or ulterior motives.

Aysha Al-Marta (1931-1979) was a Kuwaiti singer who was orphaned at an early age and raised by her maternal uncle. At the age of seven she lost her sight after contracting smallpox.

At the age of 14, she secretly joined a female folklore group that included the legendary Odah Al-Muhanna, another icon in Kuwaiti folkloric music. When she married at age 17, her husband strongly opposed her singing in the group but after some time he agreed to permit her after he was persuaded of her talents (and perhaps some intervention by others).

In the beginning, Aysha Al-Marta performed for private parties and gatherings (such as weddings) before being recognized by the Kuwait national radio station in 1970 as a talented singer.

She is noted for being one of the first female singers to break with tradition and enter the world of music in Kuwait and earned a reputation across the Gulf states as a talented vocalist with her characteristic husky voice. She performed many styles of folkloric Kuwaiti and Gulf genres in collaboration with reputed lyricists and composers of the time. She is often labeled as “Queen of the Samri” (a genre of folkloric music which is slow and to which a very sensuous, evocative dance is performed; samri lyrics usually tell of the trials, tribulations, and the joys of love).

I love this song by Aysha Al-Marta. I’m so glad someone posted it to YouTube at last. And I always associate it with the traditional Kuwaiti restaurant Shate’ al-watya شاطئ الوطية (For a review and photos see here)

It is a song rejoicing in the news of the return of the beloved, the one with whom the spirit shares a special bond, and oh how my eyes have suffered from the separation from the one who who will be welcomed as joyfully as rare desert raindrops, the one I have loved for years, the one who makes light this burden, whose smile spreads joy amongst those who look upon that beloved face..

It’s a very loose translation of the words which reflect the yearning for the beloved who has finally come home.

ابشري يا عين جابولك خبر *** عن حبيب الروح باكر تفرحين
علموني عن هواه وما قدر *** واكشفت الايام شوقه والحنين

ناظري المسكين ما تم الشهر *** عاذلي ولهان يا جعله العليل
يا هلا به عد ما هل المطر *** الحبيب اللي هويته من سنين

شوفته تجلي همومي والكدر *** ضحكته والله تسر الناظرين
كامل الأوصاف محبوبي قمر *** يسحر العشاق بخده والجبين

من كلمات الشاعر يوسف المنيع
ألحان عثمان السيد

Sources:

Zeryab ;

KUNA

“There are in our existence spots of time
That with distinct pre-eminence retain
A renovating virtue, whence — depressed
By false opinions and contentious thought,
Or aught of heavier and more deadly weight,
In trivial occupations, and the round
Of ordinary intercourse — our minds
Are nourished and invisibly repaired;
A virtue, by which pleasure is enhanced,
That penetrates, enables us to mount,
When high, more high, and lifts us up when fallen …”

From The Prelude, Book Twelfth, William Wordsworth

I will be taking a blogging break for some time in March for reflection and restoration.

The Boudoir door is open though if you would like to come in and have a look. Make yourself at home.

Dotsson’s tag:

List 6 actions or achievements you think every person should accomplish before turning 18.

I don’t know if this tag is supposed to be funny. I took it quite seriously myself.  No, I haven’t done all of them yet either so don’t even bother to ask.

The following six points are what I believe would give a young adult good grounding for the next phases in life ( 18+ that is)

1) Learn how to cook:

Cooking is the gateway to many subsequent pleasures and emotional satisfaction; it brings people together, it heals, and it is a wonderful way to share love.

2) Learn how to ride

(preferably horses but camels, elephants, mules, and dolphins might do)

Riding gives you wings and infuses you with passion for life.

3)  Learn how to swim

Swimming is the nearest thing to weightlessness and to experiencing freedom. It is also the way of communion with Mother Earth.

4)  Spend some time on a working farm
Observe life growing. Observe life being made and life being born in all its forms and the bounty that results of such blessings.

5) Do some volunteer or charity work:

Charity  instills a sense of responsibility that you carry into adulthood. It develops community

6) Attend the washing ritual of a dead person and the burial session at the graveyard:

Dealing with death first hand reminds us of the frailty of our lives and how  we must not take each other for granted. It helps us be more careful with words that hurt others; it makes us forget our pride in moments of  anger and arguments; it makes us more forgiving and is a reminder that as humans, whatever our faith or our background, we all face the same ending. We have an expiry date.

======================================

I shan’t tag anyone so sorry the game ends here, folks. But you are welcome to add your own point of view or to contradict me on anyone of those points.

It is all very well to call upon the Arab conscience with this operetta ( entitled the Arab Conscience) The words to the song above call upon the hearts of Arabs and their deadened consciences to awaken the sense of lost brotherhood and unity.

Kuwaitis should learn one thing and that is charity begins at home. The socio-political and economic problems in our parts of the world would break a camel’s back and they are numerous. As Kuwaitis, we should understand this and not be blind to the problems of stoking separatism and factional philosophies. We should learn from the mistakes of other countries around us and take heed.

On a pan-Arab basis, I say: It is easy to cast blame on others for our problems but it is harder to actually lead a people to unity even within its own populace.

Why is it easier to lead people through the philosophy of violence and vengeance rather than through education and strategic planning? Those are stronger and longer lasting channels of positive change.