Amina March 17, 2007
Posted by jewaira in Fiction, Life, Relationships, Stories, Women.trackback
Ali sipped his saffron infused tea from the small crystal istikana and lay back on the sofa as he watched TV. Amina was on the phone with Um Waleed who was talking about her youngest daughter’s upcoming wedding.
After the usual pleasantries, and appropriately ending the phone call in her most elegant tone of voice, Amina turned to Ali and said:
“It’s Najla’s wedding party on Thursday.”
“She’s the youngest one isn’t she?”
“Yes”
“So the middle one Asmaa is still not married….and she is the only one who is sifoor without hijab.”
“So?”
“Well, there is a demand for the muhajjabah girl now more than the sifoor. I am around men all the time; believe me, I know these things.”
“But that’s silly!” said Amina. “Asmaa is a lovely girl with or without the hijab. I don’t think people should be that judgmental. It doesn’t mean that she is better person just because she is muhajjabah. She is very modest in the way she dresses and has such a lovely personality. Any man would be lucky to have her as a wife.”
“You and I know that,” insisted Ali, “but Kuwaitis just prefer muhajjabahs now as marriage material.”
Amina curled up on the facing sofa and looked at the large flat television screen where Oprah was interviewing child geniuses. She switched the channel and there was a female engineer talking about how weapon technology of the future would change most dramatically in the next 20 years. She thought about Asmaa: college graduate with a new job, waiting for the right man to come along and start a family, like all her brothers and sisters.
Amina suddenly felt constricted by it all. She jumped up, stretched, and did perfect cartwheels out the door.
This post was great (aside from beautifully written as always) Jewaira for two reasons:
1. I know an Amina who actually would have done cartwheels (especially when she was a girl) when she felt like things were oppressed her…
2. Because you have just depicted a strange social phenomena in Kuwait(among all the other strange phenomenon) that bugs me to no end. With great respect to muhajibas, for many Kuwaiti gals now, hijab is used as a ruse to land a husband. Heck, some of the muhajiba’s dress and behave far more sexily than I ever have or dreamed of doing in my entire life (I don’t wear the hijab). Hijab has lost its meaning for the most part, and it has become a fashionable cultural statement that has nothing to do with religion or faith anymore (of course I am speaking generally). I have seen muhajibas with their g-string panties clearly showing through their tight skirts! With lots of calf exposed through the slit in their skirts! Very tight shirts with cleavage too. Many different times! Who are they fooling! And this new “ga7feeya” or yarmulka type of hijab looks plain old stupid and is an affront to the concept of hijab. It is all a lie. Just take the thing off your head for the love of God and be real, just be honest and real… Pamela Anderson is more honest than these girls…
Because a girl merely wears a scarf on her head doesn’t mean she is any more virtuous or virginal than one who doesn’t. It is just more of the lies and pretending we Kuwaities like to tell and do to ourselves and each other. We are so scared of truth or the search for it.
Ms.B
MsBaker
Thanks for your comment and a bold but true statement of what we are seeing these days. I could not add more to what you have said. I loved the image of Pamela Andersons dancing in my head though
Jewaira
Do you want me to wear one too? I bet that is why you wrote this post!
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I think all males should wear the hijab for a month and see what women feel. It’s like going with your pregnant wife into the delivery room…
Jewaira
What a hilariously funny contrast for those people Ms Baker’s talking about, those who are trying to fool people.
I’d love to laugh at them! In fact, I’d try to get other people to laugh at them too, just to make it more embarrassing for them. Down with poseurs!
Hmmmm….do you think that would change anything?
Jewaira
My girls in Kuwait all started wearing the Hijab one after another and as soon as one would, the next few months she would get married. Now, there are only 2 still single, you guessed it right, we are the only 2 who don’t cover our hair.
I kept it to myself for so long until my single friend out of frustration asked if she should cover to get a marriage proposal. Thank God she is not that desperate to actually do it.
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Amazing! Yet another example of this trend…
Jewaira
i dont think hijab and marraige should be put in one sentence unless it’s because your marraige is so horrible , and sex life is non-existant that you might as well become a nun !! oh ..or was that just me? !! Once i made a joke to him saying … shall i wait for jesus christ? he didnt get it
i am mit’hajbah and honestly not because i wanted a husband : 2 things i learned modesty is so valuable, and covering is so sensual , you’re protecting your assets , i hope this idea of hijab for marriage isn’t common as it’s not the point of covering up.
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No it is definitely not the point of covering up but a spiritual decision and way of life. However, it seems unfair that a female might get better marriage propositions when she is muhajjaba than when she is sifoor.
(On a sidenote…there is something interesting in the message you’re trying to convey in the first part of your comment…..)
Jewaira
This is one ugly Cat !!!
Love the pictue though
This is a rare breed of cats it’s called the sphinx dont think its available in Kuwait.
oh and about this post,,
Totally true that veiled girls get the husbands… a rather superficial way to evaluate girls but this is our society ,, shinsawey ba3ad !
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Lol! So another man agrees that this is indeed the trend!
Jewaira
Ms. Baker such girls which you spoke of fool them selves, as Allah (SWT) knows very well what lay in their hearts. And don’t worry every one action will be judged. All will give their accounts, and so will each and every part of their body.
When has society made rules that are fair and just. And well i do not wish to go preaching but this is what you get for letting our daughters so loose.
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Imran
Letting daughters run loose??
If anything, “errant” behaviour is a result of too much restriction and confinement. People are adaptable and eventually find their ways “around” rules and regulations.
That is why there is so much two-faced double standards – people say something and do something else.
Jewaira
I know a girl who wore the hijab for one year only- until she broke up with her boyfriend. Now isn’t that something? It’s funny that guys will ogle girls who are sifoors more than those who are covered, but when it comes to the real deal, they flock to the ones who don’t show their hair. It’s very hypocritical, muhajabas are generally more provocatively dressed than their non-muhajaba counterparts. I guess that fact that their hair’s covered means they can get away with anything.
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Women in the UAE and Saudi Arabia usually wear the abaya and melfa3 or scarf and they have adapted them in all ways to be as attractive as possible. To those not in the know, it is just a bit of black cloth but some abaya/scarf kits can be quite expensive depending on material and cut and brand.
The way the headscarf is worn in Kuwait has evolved remarkably and females who used to only wear dresses or skirts now have adapted wearing trousers and tops into the hijab attire. The whole get up is very attractive and some women manage to make it look very elegant.
It has become more of a social rather than just a religious statement and this puts more pressure on the woman who is not muhajjaba to prove her worth.
Jewaira
Interesting, I actually thought that guys prefer the “latter” these days. I remember a quote from Queen Rania when she said “Women should not be judged on what it is ON their heads but what is IN their heads.”
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It is all part of belonging to the society in which you live and fitting in — if the majority wear the hijab, then those who don’t stand out as though they are defying societal norms.
Jewaira
enough of the hijab bashing… i wouldnt like to be categorized as any of the muhajabat above :/
to me its an active way of saying thank you to allah sub7anah .. on a daily basis .. its also a leash lol (lala thoughts… yes a leash .. to stop me from running wild lol .. j/k) allah yahdee al banat inshalla to be better women ..
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lala
wearing the hijab is a personal right and I am not bashing the idea of hijab nor those who wear it : since 1979 or thereabouts it has become increasingly part of the Kuwaiti culture and there are more females who wear it than don’t: at least that is what I feel by what I see.
What we have been seeing in recent years is the evolvement of the hijab attire (scarf and clothing) into something very attractive and at times blatantly sexy. I won’t go into details but anyone who has seen it will know what I am talking about: it is jaw dropping at times.
The point I was trying to make in the post is that in general Kuwaitis favour a muhajjabah than not even though it might not mean that she is better – spiritually or personality wise – than a sifoor female.
Jewaira
… a ruse to get married; i had no idea :/
I certainly hope that is not so!
Jewaira
Oh this is strange ??? i don`t think hijab is the sign that show if this girl is good or no ?!?!?!?
and i feel that kuwaiti men nowadays want non-mohajba to marry really ,
Before i got married most of the men whom i met to propose to me they said that they want wa7da mo mt7jaba and some of them asked me if it is ok with me to take off my hijab cuz he wants his wife to be stylish !!! pooor thinking
any way i am wearing hijab since i was 18 and it is not for the sake of marriage and i didn`t get married till i am 26
6 months ago
so i feel that there is no link it is n9eeb
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q8Bride thank you for your comment and sharing your view.
Of course I am sure that there are men who want to marry a sifoor woman- all men are not the same in their lifestyles and outlook. But we are speaking in general.
It is interesting though that you say that…could it be a certain age group or a certain background of men?
Jewaira
I think that it wouldn’t be fair to assess the virtue of a woman solely based on whether or not she wears a hijab. But if the guy, by wanting a girl whose muhajjaba, is actually seeking a whole GENUINELY religious package then it makes sense to me.
I am saying perhaps the guy doesn’t want a girl who is religious by behavior but by behavior AND by attire because I think we all know there are PLENTY of women who are God fearing and who behave piously in every sense except for in their attire.
I wonder if us women get judgemental like that sometimes.
I know I’ve heard friends say they only want a man who went to university abroad. That sounds sort of judgemental no? Sorry that might be a bit irrelevent but I guess what Im trying to say is that when it comes to choosing a spouse we all tend to let our judgemental side get the better of us because it REALLY is an important choice and most of us are afraid of making a bad decision so we start to nit pick.
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Of course you are right that we should all have an idea about the kind of marriage partner we seek : marriage is hard enough without getting someone who you think you will change in future.
I totally agree that if a man wants to marry a woman who is muhajjaba and religious it is his right and good for him that he is clear about his needs.
However, over and over again we see that there is more demand for the muhajjaba in general than for sifoor. It is associated with virtue and tradition.
Jewaira
Abdulaziz
What do you mean shinsawey ba3ad??? Just don’t do it!!
True juwairah .. i hope people learn to ..and this is said all the time … never judge a book by its cover.
funny enough so many times one gets a first impression on someone then its like allah shows you… see she is not what you think ! but we as humans cant help but assume.
thanks Zaydoon
I need to clarify my point ,,, .
I definitely didn’t mean that we give up to our society’s mode of thinking!!
I believe the veil is a plus,, but definitely not the whole deal on looking for your bride to be …
when i said “shinsawey ba3ad” i meant it toward our society that only judges by the looks,,
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Thanks for the clarification AbdulAziz.
You are right that that the mainstream of society think that way. But it is time people change the way they think.
Jewaira
Dunno if it would change anything, but it would certainly be a good laugh
!
You are incorrigible.. I have said it before!
Jewaira
Great post juwaira and I totally agree with Ms.Baker.
I have total respect for the muhajabas and I am a semi-follower of tradition. I for one can totally relate to Asmaa. I keep asking myself whether I should conform to what society expects from me, betray my own sense of identity for the sake of conforming , being accepted and respected in that manner, Or should I remain as I am and bear the consequences.
this is a very broad question that reflects on issues beyond the hijab that we are enforced to obey without logical or rational basis except that “its our tradition” ( 3adat wa takalid)
I still have problems defining what those are. Nevetheless, we are a judgemental society that is full of double standards and confusion which explains the high divorce rate we have.
I disagree with AbdulAziz but his answer seems to represent the majority and has truth in it, at least virtually, he is not pretending to be someone that he is not.
Thank you for your comment Pedestrian and for sharing your point of view on this issue.
Jewaira
Nah I like to show my hair, therefore I do not wear “traditional ” wear nor am I planning on getting pregnant!
Stubbborn aren’t you!
Jewaira
there was a book out since last year its called “Muhajababes” and it talks about the issue that you wrote about juwaira ..
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Thanks Lala. Although I have heard about the book I have not read it.
Jewaira
funny thing is my friends who try to hook me up always ask this question “do you mind if she wears a Hijab” my reply is “I prefer bandanas” but still find it funny who cares if you do or you dont its your choice but if you start to wear it to get a marriage proposal then you have bigger issues on your hand.
Quite right Tat
Jewaira
I would like to ask, is all this talk about Hijab and its relation to getting married any important then a person’s life….hmmm.
Today I am deeply sad to announce that Pakistan’s cricketing coach died in his hotel room, mainly due to the shock of Pakistan loosing to a minnows Ireland and exiting the world cup, a first for a seeded team, since 1975.
Pause for a moment and think, that in a second of life a person can be alive and next drop dead.
Inna lillaihi wa ina ilaihi rajiun
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Imran I am sorry about your loss and your sad feelings. But that is the path we all must take at some time or other.
In any case, we are discussing an issue specifically concerning Kuwaiti society and it is important to us.
Jewaira
Another for thought:
“I will give you a talisman. Whenever you are in doubt, or when the self becomes too much with you, apply the following test. Recall the face of the poorest and the weakest man [woman] whom you may have seen, and ask yourself, if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to him [her]. Will he [she] gain anything by it? Will it restore him [her] to a control over his [her] own life and destiny? In other words, will it lead to swaraj [freedom] for the hungry and spiritually starving millions?
Then you will find your doubts and your self melt away.”
- One of the last notes left behind by Gandhi in 1948, expressing his deepest social thought.
Source: Mahatma Gandhi [Last Phase, Vol. II (1958), P. 65].
Isn’t that just a typical Arab mentality to think that somehow a covered up woman is just “pure” and would make for a more suitable wife.
I chose to wear the head scarf (not that I cover all my hair) just to fit into the work environment I am currently in, and as soon as I get into my car it’s of my head. I must justify that with the head scarf I am looked at and treated differently.
(Cartwheels with a belly) lol
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Lol Warda please try that when you have safely delivered baby and gotten strength back!
And then read how this mother did a spontaneous cartwheel and loved it:
“I don’t know why I was afraid of this for so long?
Perhaps because when I tried it on a concrete playground years ago I almost broke my wrist? Or maybe because my daughter smashed into a wooden corner trim while cartwheeling merrily around the house when she was 7? A dark day, that. The memory of the whole ordeal of stitches to mend the gash in her foot still weighs a bit too heavily for her ever to want to cartwheel again, even at her tender age.
At least for right now.
But early this morning, I walked with Cosmo on the beach. I was feeling carefree, the sun was shining on the water and there was no-one around… and I don’t know what possessed me. I just threw myself into a cartwheel and landed quite naturally on the sand as if I’d been doing it all my life! grin
I wonder if I possess the skill to encourage someone else to try it one more time – with me?
For those yet too scared to fly through the air in crazy cartwheeling circles: The secret is spontaneity. Don’t plan it, just let the mood of the moment carry you through the air. I promise it will all go well, and you will laugh!
Just don’t try it on a concrete playground.
…” FROM: 43 THINGS ” learn how to do cartwheels”
A link on how to do cartwheels is here:
How to do a cartwheel
And to wear hijab JUST for getting a husband, ya3ni you can’t cheat God he knows what your intentions are. Il wa7id la tidayan 5al yitidayan 7ag rabba willa tara momkin tkoneen a7san oo a6har bnaya fil deera bass itha Alla katiblich t3anseen maradich bit3anseen siwa2an sha59ityich zaina willa zifft fa 9eeri zaina so that you might have better luck with men bil aa5ra
So we can pick and choose then?
Jewaira
Would you think I would be any different
?
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no, it’s the way I like you to be tough boy
Jewaira
sij sij unfair.. yama nas mit7ajbeen oo mitgha6yeen bs min dakhel Allah yester, oo nas sifoor bs min dakhel a7la oo more modest than any other mit7ajba…
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Swair
it is very easy to don certain clothing but infinitely more difficult to practice what we preach and to find the spiritual path that we all seek in one way or another.
Jewaira
Haha thanks Jewaira…its been a while and i guess it should be on my agenda of things to do later
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Why not? When the little ones are a bit older it will be cool to have a cartwheeling mom
You know I was thinking about you having to cover your hair for work. Nurses and cooks have to keep their hair off their faces (at least they should!) but what other professions impose the covering up of hair as a prerequisite to employment?
Jewaira
Lady J, yes i am sad, that due to the passionate madness of people of the cricketing world, that a man lost his life, after having such a distinguished career.
And i do know, what we are talking about, but that’s irrelevant compared to a person worth of life.
I suggest you tune into any sports channel which is currently telecasting Cricket World Cup.
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The wonderful thing about blogging is the readers who expose you to so many different interests and events. Readers have shared their interests with me on certain subjects where before I was not aware of or had no background on them.
Thank you for sharing Imran
Jewaira
It is very interesting to see that those girls or women who cover their heads are more likely to be picked up for there boys marriage. But i wonder, don’t these mothers know that its just a white screen, and that these girls are hip hop underneath.
As i always say to my female friends, cover your head, your body, but don’t let it cover your thinking, judgment or soul in darkness.
The society as a whole doesn’t follow the right path, and then how can we expect our daughters and son to follow us, when we have not set a proper example to them.
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Thank you for your comment Imran and wise words.
I say love your children and be there for them as a guide and mentor.
Jewaira
Maybe hijab is a form of bling bling for the unemancipated.
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Very interesting statement that needs deep thought.
Jewaira
I most certainly hope so! But I do remember hearing something along the lines of getting the same spouse you had on earth except he/she would be phenomenally gorgeous. To be honest I don’t know but I figure that in heaven you can pretty much have whatever you want and then some
What happens when you don’t have an earthly spouse? Or what if you had several spouses? You know, a woman who is the marrying kind? Can she get to keep them all too I wonder?
Jewaira
http://www.alqabas.com.kw/Final/NewspaperWebsite/NewspaperPublic/ArticlePage.aspx?ArticleID=256629
الحجاب
سعاد المعجل
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Thank you for the link Zaydoun. Perfectly related to our discussion here
Jewaira
Lady J, life is life, let it be any ones, it is sure precious.
Thanks , Lady J, but can you be there International Aunty also
International Auntie? Lol, ok
Jewaira
Can some one post me the translation of that site, as my ISP has blocked the translation section of Google, idiots.
Interesting older post I came across over at Tantalize’s blog: The Customized Hijab
http://tantalize.wordpress.com/2006/07/28/the-customized-hijab/
I’m sorry but what exactly does muhajjabah. mean?
I believe that we are in the age of technology and that we must grasp it and understand it as it is our future, whether we like it or not!
To me technology has more benefits than downfalls, but growing up in KT with this around you………..I would lprefer to experience it and be a part of it rather than to explain it as I have no comprehension of it from your side people!………….
But is the Hijab so important now-adays?
I see Arabs and Persians in the Edgware road and Marble Arch area of London wearing and not wearing Hijab, more not wearing (and I can tell Arab or Persian from non) but I can see in their eyes that more and more they wear Hijab in-case their family friends will see them and “report” them back that they wear them out of fear of dis-crediting their family name rather than being free human beings………….
I’m not taking away their heritage but more adversley ( I do demonstrate) the fact that they all have a choice, and they shoukld be allowed that choice as to wear Hijab or not!
It takes nothing away from them! Except from the old ageing eyes of the past…………
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It is a personal choice.
Once I was in London and I saw a woman I knew totally without the hijab. I didn’t bat an eyelid in front of her although I did think about it by myself later.
I did not mention anything to anyone back in Kuwait. When she came back, she was without the hijab and had made the decision to remove it. She faced people for a while and in the end everyone forgot she was ever a mohajjabah.
Jewaira
What kind of woman is Amina to jump up and do cartwheels! Damn! hehehe
Well it’s sad but in Kuwait they are really putting a lot of value on the surface rather then digging in. I personally try to see the person’s personality and the people she would have around her.
Its sad that they think just because a woman is muhajabah she is better, I dont know when Kuwait went so backwards. I have seen it before while driving when a woman would just take off her hijaab and it seems she might have just left home. So its a personal matter rather then something to be shown.
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Interesting comment Marzouq.
And Amina? Well, she is a free spirit
Jewaira
Further reading concerning hijab topic:
Hijab
(1)الدين ليس حجاب
(2) الدين ليس حجاب
Where?