A Married Man June 18, 2006
Posted by jewaira in Dear Jewaira, Husbands, Love, Opinion, Relationships.trackback
This is a bit like a Dear Jewaira post except it is not a letter from one person.
It is an issue that bothers a lot of women who are in romantic relationships with men. I say women but this also affects teenage girls who fall prey to older guys. I have seen this issue come up repeatedly in correspondence, where women don’t find out until too late that a guy is married or taken. Too late, meaning, that the woman is already infatuated and is over her head in love. Then, she either ends up heartbroken or decides she cannot bear to be separated and will continue believing his lies about how he would marry her but… (and here you can fill in the space with any number of excuses).
Not many men admit that they are married or taken at the outset. A man may swear to everlasting bachelorhood, declaring he has not yet met the woman of his dreams. He may announce that yes, he was indeed married once, but it was a bad relationship which ended in divorce (here again trying to exact your sympathy). He may admit that he has just broken up with a long term partner. In all cases, he pursues his new love interest - you - and does whatever it takes to win you over.
Now, what other ways do married men use to sway a woman’s heart? This can happen in real life, face to face, or for example in an online or a telephonic relationship (very common in our region).
If the man admits that he is married, he will also say several things:
- My wife makes my life miserable with her nagging
- My wife is tired all the time
- I am a very romantic person and I need love but my wife has neglected me for ages
- My wife doesn’t make an effort to make herself attractive; she has let herself go since having the children
- I was forced into a loveless marriage with my cousin
These are but a handful of typical statements that may convince an innocent girl that she will not be a home wrecker because she is just helping to save this poor person from eternal married damnation.
Men like this, or philanderers, find joy in keeping more than one woman. The more the merrier – his wife, his mistress, or perhaps a number of girlfriends for certain occasions. And the challenge is how to keep one woman from finding out about the next. He must juggle them all, keep them within his own schedule, and love them all as they need.
So coming to the point, ladies. How can you tell when a man is married if he lead you to believe otherwise? Here are some clues:
- He does not call you by your name; rather, he uses terms of endearment that could be used even with his wife.
- He carefully manipulates what you know about his life: his home address, his family, his personal life.
- He gives you details about his life but in retrospect, they can be anyone’s details; not enough to pin him down.
- He won’t let you call him anytime or at home.
- He remains rather vague about things and concentrates only on how beautiful and sexy you are.
- He gives false promises about marriage; saying that he has to finish his studies; or that his family have problems with marrying someone from a certain background
He definitely believes what you don’t know won’t hurt you; so he feels justified in withholding any incriminating information from you with vague excuses.
Perhaps there are more clues to finding out whether or not the man you love is already married. That is all I could come up with now.
And the bottom line is this: if you are a married man and want to play around, be careful whose heart you break. Be honest from the very beginning about your intentions and about your background.
P.S To all you wonderful men out there, we care about you and love you. But we will respect you more for your honesty and integrity. Stop hiding behind a thousand different veils of untruths.
Dammit! you exposed me! now all of my 999 wives and 1 GF will know!
thank you for this post
jawaira, this is a subject that is near to me, as you know. my husband was married when i met him (to someone else). i’ve been married to him now for ten years and i never have doubted our strong love for each other. not even in the face of disaster. is it not possible that some marriages are doomed…that some marriages must end and something else must start? of course, the list you put up didn’t really fit anything about us…so maybe that’s the difference. the first thing my husband told me was that he was married. he never lied about it. he also said that he was happy. and then the whammy: he was perfectly happy until he found out that i existed.
maybe i’m naive, but i think what we did was right, not wrong. even though a home was broken up to start a new one, it had to be that way.
Purgatory - we all know that you are ma7boob el jamaheer and all the girls adore you!
Flamingoliya - my pleasure
Phaedrus
When I finished writing the post ( and it has been on my mind for a while) I thought about you and I was worried that you would misunderstand.
I am glad that you wrote, though.
Your experience is different than the one I am talking about. While I do believe that we should persevere in our marriages in all difficult circumstances, I also believe that some marriages are just not right and the best thing would be for each person to find their way elsewhere.
What happened between you and your husband was unique and genuine. May you be blessed always
In this post, I am talking about married men who lie or who deliberately mislead women about their social standing: after the girl is hooked, she finds it difficult to back off even after she knows that he is married or taken.
These men play the game so well.
What we want to know is what clues we should look for to identify men like this.
Interesting post as always!!
I hope both men and women pay more attention to what you are saying cuz this issue has been around for a long time, and people need to get to know “the game” that is played.
Men who are divorced/widowed or been in a relationship would almost never entertain any feelings from women who’ve been in similar situations. So its just men taking advantage of the fact that they can get away with anything and that women would never mind mens’ status because they’re in ‘love’.
In my life, I have always tried to be honest with the one I was about to go out with.. I have always spoke my mind, and my plans, I had many of the ladies telling me that they are only interested in a relationship that would not lead to something, and I respected that, and ended up as friends instead, that was when I was back in college, and knowing that I will end up leaving the states and come back home, so I never given false hope to anyone..
Now, let me try to get in the same psyche of the man you are talking about.. I think the reason for the guy to lie about being married is the fear of not to be given a chance to prove him self to the new girl, but after proving that he is lovable, he doesn’t mind later on to say that he is married, at least, by then, the girl saw his real self.. without getting distracting with (to him) the minor issue of him being unhappily married.. (I’m talking here about the ones who are unhappily married, and want to find someone else to fulfill that need of being happy, I am not talking about the sex crazed ones that even after marriage, you see them roaming the world trying to score more women, whether prostitutes or teenage girls or what ever they can get) all of this said, I think as a man, it’s not right to do that. Even if the man is not happy at home, it is unfair to betray his wife, and lie to the girl that is falling head over heels for him.. that is just wrong..
Angel,
Some women do not see the truth until it is way too late unfortunately.
Rohan,
Sometimes even when a woman knows a man is unavailable, it is hard to control her feelings after she has been swept up in his web of charms. Married men who pursue other women are often very attentive, charming, and loving - making the woman feel more special than she ever has. Married men try harder to please but once the novelty has worn off, and the girlfriend starts to nag about marriage, he turns nasty or aloof.
Yes, Don. Most women will turn away from a married man. That is because most women do not want to share and are mainly interested in a long term relationship - and I mean here in Kuwait. But like you said, a man like this will pursue the woman with his charms until she can’t help but fall in love. And then of course the man will keep her hanging with broken promises.
I can cite many examples that I have heard of like this, where the man seems to be sincere, but in the end, the poor girl comes away with nothing but a broken heart. Better to stay away in the first place.
sorry it should have been:
“I had many of the ladies telling me that they are only interested in a relationship that would lead to something”
and “distracted” not “distracting”
I was multi-tasking at the time I wrote this.. hehehe
Dear Jewaira,
I’m single. I’ll give you 10% of the mahar if you find me a wife.
I’m kidding…about finding me a wife lol
As for me, I’m totally against a man leaving a happy home to start a new happy marriage with someone else. WHY is he married in the first place then? Is he insensitive enough to throw away a wonderful & loving wife and go for another equally wonderful? What about the children, if any?
You see the only reason a man should have to leave his wife, is if he truly is unhappy for a very valid reason. Those who dump their good wives for another or even just to have fun, are in my dictionary: insecure hypocrites.
I don’t mean to offend anyone, but we have way too many ‘by-products’ of broken homes littering the country. Sorry.
i certainly believe that men are born to cheat. i’m not saying all the time but atleast a time in their lives. i’ve seen those signs before with a guy i met and fell in love with through webdatedotcom. he only focused on my physical attribtues. he never let me see where he lives telling me we’ll get there soon but never really did. after 2 months of an uncertain relationship, he called it quits with his wife and decided to pursue me. i was torn between my personal love life and how would his kids feel because i came from a broken family,too. i gave him back to his family. now, i’m now happy being single.
Hats off to you averagedrinker. But I disagree about the ‘men are born to cheat’ part. As I keep insisting to the disillusioned out there: do not make the mistake of clumping all men together, or generalizing. You may pass up a good catch with that illogical way of thinking.
I come from a broken home too. Thus my previous comment *up* there.
MiniR
I don’t want to be responsible like that!
Sounds like a good proposition but I will have to refuse it
I agree that one shouldn’t break up a happy home - in a selfish manner. The emotional scars are deep on the children in these situations.
No, we shouldn’t generalize about men at all ( or women). However, we just want to explore the methods that some men use to fool the opposite sex into a seemingly genuine relationship - when their intentions are not really sincere.
Averagedrinker
Yes, that is what I mean. So many women fall into that kind of emotional trap and find it very hard to get out.
Also, these woman do not find much support. In fact, they may be blamed and held responsible if they seek support from parents, siblings, friends etc..
I am glad you thought clearly and acted so assertively. You probably saved yourself alot more heartache down the road.
Fine jewaira I’ll let you have 100% of the mahar, how’s that? Go figure…lol
You’re a wise woman. I hope this tips find many ears in time to prevent ladies from becoming “saviors” of charmers.
MiniR ]
You’re making me an offer I can’t refuse
Pearl
Sometimes even if we know something is bad for us, we just go ahead and do it anyway…Some people need to get burned before they learn a lesson.
I actually find that lying about your marital status makes you less likely to get a GF.
Indeed many girls find the thrill of going out with a married man very enticing…
Also, as a man, if I were married, I would maek sure I cheat with girls that know it. makes me less likely to get caught
Herlock
Interesting perspective. Yes, I suppose there are those kinds of girls too. who find it a challenge to nick someone else’s man.
If both know about each others’ status, then it doesn’t matter.
I am talking about keeping the truth from someone and then deliberately not telling or simply NOT being able to say anything because it is just too late.
"We call him the juggler. I've never really known a man like him. He can keep 10 girls in the air at once and make each one happy."
Hi. My name is karla and i am a woman that has been cheated, abused mentally and physically damaged.
i am in a bad situation and i dont know how to get out of it.
The only man i fall in love with is married and i found out too late
i was already 4 months pregnant when by accident my friend told me that my man’s babymother had a new born baby
well when i confronted the man, he almost denied it but at the end he confessed
when i asked him again if he was married he denied again
I was tryin to understand his lies because i was pregnant
i did not want to be alone and sad so i stayed with him and since then my life has been hell
i feel like i can’t let go of him. he had practically took my old life away
i am home everyday crying or either thinking how bored i am; how bad my life has been.
i am depressed
i am tired and sometimes i dont find meaning to my life anymore
it was such a shock for me to accept 6 months ago when I spoke to his wife for the first time
she told me that they were married and the mother fucker talks about me to her and how i raise my children.,
he abuse like you dont believe me
i want to leave him so badly but i feel scared
i feel trapped in my own feelings
i need help for my own good
i want to feel happy again
i wan to know that i am worth something again
i can’t sit at home nomore
i dont want to
i am tired of the emotional abuse of his insecurities and him sayin that i am with another man
i am tired if him treatin me like a female dog
i still loved him
i dont know why i still bad for him
i asked my self why
i am going to be crazy soon
help please
how to leave this relationship alone and let him go back to his wife, without me being hurt or even going crazy ?
i am sorry how this sounds but it my truth thank and hope any of the woman can understand my sorrow
am biggest pain of all
K
I understand what you are saying and I can only imagine how terribly you feel. Deception is very difficult to get over.
Especially if we are deceived by someone we care about alot. We try to convince ourselves that it is OK; and that we can get over it.
It is very difficult to get your life together again when someone has made you feel so dependent and worthless.
It is difficult, but you CAN do it with alot of support. You need to build your self esteem back and know that you can exist without him.
You need to remove yourself from him and being dependent on someone who used you for his own pleasure.
Is such a person worth crying over? No.
Seek a support group or find some other activities that will give you independence from this abusive man. And most importantly, stop abusing yourself.
I have been having depression for sometime.
This married man helped me through one of the roughest patches.
He told me he is married right from the beginning.
We started off with cybersex on the web, a bad start.
We have been v physical, but he has not penetrated me. He says it’s not his right. (Is that a way to make me love him for being a gentleman?)
He talks about love without having to possess each other - love without commitment in other words.
He will always say he cares and is worried for me, and he can’t let me go until he knows i’m ok.
Are these all traps to keep me by him?
I am a 33 year old gal and tis is my 2nd bf.
My 1st was a real jerk. I think i am pretty despo.
This guy is 13 years my senior and is smaller build than me. He looks old.
My sis say real men will not talk abt his failed relationships and be with another woman.
We have tried to break up but we get together again some time later more passionate than ever. I feel trapped. I am depressed because of this.
Am i believing in this guy too much? I find myself really emotionally trapped.
Help me.
Depressed
It doesn’t matter what your lover looks like or how old he is. You have admitted that he has “helped” you through a bad patch. He has made you happy for a little while, hasn’t he? You both must have been very good for each other at one point.
Still, he s not the cure. You admit that you were depressed before you knew him. He made you happy for a while but now you feel trapped and perhaps you are not clear about what you want from this relationship.
I will not blame your lover for anything. You were both willing to engage in this kind of relationship and each for your own reasons. He did not hide the fact that he was married. He has not had penetrative sex with you probably to safeguard himself.
You must look into yourself and see what it is you want out of life. When we work on improving ourselves: the way we look, the things we do, then we can attract others. Also, when you love yourself and take care of yourself, you learn to be more selective about whom you share your emotions with.
Your relationship with your lover might have been a learning experience for you. It could be you have reached a point now when you realize the futility of your relationship and you deserve more.
You must grow away from this man and create a substitute for his attention and “love” - preferably a substitute that is under your control and to your liking.
In the end, I don’t want to sound preachy but if you knowingly get involved with a married man, you are playing with fire and one should always have the ability to extinguish the “fire” and move on. Otherwise, just don’t get involved.
Take this message from a woman with experience.
A married man is often looking for some spice in his life and often an escape from the usual grind. An emotional outlet or a physical one.
The main course is his home-life and the dessert is “the other woman”.
Because a man’s primary goal is to provide and support the family…
the man will never leave the family stranded and thus will never usually leave the wife. That would be betrayal to his values.
Because guilt plays a major part for the married man…he feels the least he can do is stay attached to the marriage.
Men hate to be exposed and they usually fear what their friends and family will think if they leave the poor wife for a young attractive new woman.
The man feels he has a lot more to lose than just his wife and family.
He loses his friends and integrity as well.
The affair is usually a pleasure-seeking experience and the new woman on the side is seeking attention and longing to be charmed as well. It’s a two-sided thrill seeking experience.
Lust and pleasure is all real but never lasting and with happy endings.
The married man has enough experience to find the right type of side-kick for his affair.
These woman are so desperate for love that they don’t see what is actually happening. They have low self-image.
The more woman see married men… the more desperate and depressed they will become. Her frustrations increase as his broken promises continue to rise.
It is usually always a no-win situation for the woman experiencing the temporary bliss that the married man offers.
The other woman usually is left hurt and disappointed and very lost after the affair ends.
She has no one to be there for her because everyone thinks she should never have messed with a bad deal in the first place.
Unfortunately, the man returns to his usual nest ( family) and seeks out his next victim after he gets bored with the wife again.
He remains loyal to the “main course” in his life.
Bottom line… a sad tragic ending for the ‘other woman”.
S. Swanson
Wise words S.Swanson . Thanks for sharing
Thank you for the compliment.
I would like to hear from others as well what they feel.
Believe me, it’s a tough go, but you do get over it!……………….
I have this release, I feel great………….remember, all guys are not bad, just the ones that are taken and are not honest up front, so you can make the decisions not him.
Honesty is tough but it does produce a much better character of oneself……..
a good friend of S. Swanson………………..
Thank you for the compliment. I would like to hear from others as well what they feel. Believe me, it’s a tough go, but you do get over it!………………. I have this release, I feel great………….remember, all guys are not bad, just the ones that are taken and are not honest up front, so you can make the decisions not him. Honesty, is tough but it does produce a much better character of oneself……..a good friend of S. Swanson………………..
Hmmm, double message?
I met a guy on myspace and talked to him mostly on the phone.
I thought he was single with no kids.
We went on 3 dates together and he paid for everything.
You know how some people think that’s a sign of a keeper.
So we talked to each other for about 2 months on the phone, then we met and went on our dates. We would call eachother 2 or 3 times everyday.
During the fouth month his calls decreased so did his text messages,
he would say he is coming to see me, but didn’t show up and didn’t give a reason why.
So I assumed he had other women on the side and confronted him about it.
He told me that he had a five year old son by some girl he had messed with. I just shrugged it off because young people usually make mistakes.
But his behavior remained the same although he showed up a couple of times.
I confronted him again, this time he revealed that he was still married to his son’s mom and that she was not treating him right.
She was lazy and causes too much drama everyday.
Being shocked by this I wasn’t in right mind and agreed to keep seeing him.
I was in love with him.
But it took me five days to come to my senses and I broke away from him.
I don’t like sharing.
Oh and his son is adopted by his mom.
I think ALL married men cheat at some time in their marriage.
i am involved with a married guy
when we met his wife had left him financial problems
the first time we made love he told me about his wife
he said he told her about me which is true
i even agreed to be second place cause i really love him
she call me we spoke
she had only negative thing too say they do not have sex, do not sleep in same bed
he said he love her because of the kids
he love me be cause i maye him very happy but i hardly see him
he does not want me to have anyone but him
i am very horny could get sex but i think i am doing something
please help me
Dear Homewrecker
Do you really want to be in this situation? If I were you I would break free. A clean break and get rid of a bad relationship that will just bring you down.
Homewrecker must be taking the mickey here. Her story is hilarious!
I despise any sort of cheating and lying even more so to someone a person states they love, it still astounds me to this day when I hear my friends saying things about a woman as she passes (even though they are married or in a relationship) knowing that they are probably only saying it to be “one of the lads”.
I give them the “look” and they go silent and look away from me, so they do feel the guilt but still do it again and again.
How people can cheat when they are married upsets me a great deal, do they not how lucky they are to find someone who loves them that much that they are willing to marry them?
Ok they might be having problems, but that and nothing else is an excuse for cheating, if you have problems you deal with them as quickly and amicably as possible, whats the point of a relationship if you can’t communicate openly with eachother?
Also what the hell are people thinking staying in a relationship when they know the other person is married or has a partner, they are contributing to the destruction of that relationship and should be fully aware that a very small percent of affairs actually turn into a meaningful relationship.
I sometimes feel that I’m a dying breed, I cheated once when I was 17 and seeing 3 girls at the same time, all 3 cauht me out one night in a nightclub and the feeling of guilt I felt I swore I would never feel again, yet I have had my heart torn to shreds twice by women who stated their undying love for me, I’m not bitter about it because thier is no point in dwelling in the past, but it does make it hardy to fully trust as I used to, but I trust until I have reason not to.
If I was a Muslim and could have numerous wives, I wouldn’t do it, I would never want to share my wife with anyone and certainly wouldn’t expect her to be happy with sharing me!
Gregorious
Oh! How traumatic to be beset by 3 angry girlfriends at the tender age of 17!
Of course infidelity is a very old notion and practice. It only seems more “common” or “acceptable” now because more people are discussing this issue through an interactive medium (the Web) and issues of infidelity are more exposed.
In addition, the Internet and modern means of communication makes it easier for a person to have an affair if they are that way inclined.
I think it is a good thing that people should be exposed to these issues and discuss them instead of just whispering in hushed tones about a taboo subject.
[...] Related post: A Married Man [...]
Hey, you touch very good subjects and they help a lot to understand your society and what you said is so true.
As I have gotten older, I feel cheating is a way to escape a truth; meaning that it’s something about you that you can’t deal with so you seek out another person to get rid of your extra time in hopes that you will not find out about your inadequentness. lol
Recently been in this situation… I am torn between the realisation of TRUTH and LIES.
The man I fell in love with lived a double life. The person he showed me and the aparent true person with a wife and child.
I found out the truth by searching the internet and found a forum where he chats on with his friends. Meanwhile all his friends lied to me as well. These are grown men but still are boys. Thank goodness for the unlimited boundaries of the internet, instinct and intellect.
I know there are good people out there, but situations like this happens so people who used to belive in the “good” of a person realise that an evil exists.
I hope I find trust again and even though I miss my inoccent eyes and smile, it has put some perspective. I wish that he regains some sort of reality and his poor wife and son never find out what an evil man he is.
This post continues to attract alot of readers on a daily basis.
I am particularily appreciative of feedback (thanks RedRobin and New Beginnings) because it really helps those who find themselves in similar situations.
I have been dating a man for a year now. He moved down to my city shortly after we met.
I took my time with him and asked all the necessary questions a woman asks. He said he was divorced, and he answered honestly. I am not naturally a trusting person, but I gave him a chance.
I stated to him in the beginning of our courtship that I dated a man, for an extended period of time and found out that he was marrying other women and I was crushed. I tend to think of myself a as moral and idealistic person, but married men isn’t what I do… I myself have never been married, but I honor marriage and I know that it is a gift that should not be toyed with.
I’ve dated men, only to get a call from a wife, crying on the other end. Or I have found out from a friend or some how, the truth comes out and I cut all ties with that man. I hear all the excuses like; I didn’t want to lose you, I know you would have never given me a chance. And it has made me bitter over the years, that I wasn’t given a choice.
There are plenty of women that date married men. I am just not one of them. I never went far with these men, but it still hurt to be treated so lowly.
I met my current boyfriend 1 year ago, DEC 26, will be 1 year. And he told me something last night that broken my heart.
He told me that he is still married.
Today was his court date to finalize his divorce.
I mean he lives alone, I have a key to his place, his ex-wife or I thought ex-wife and I have become friends and this happened very early in our courtship. Her and I talk via email about their kids and other stuff every other day. She never mentioned it to me, that she was still legally married to him.
I mean, the kids spend the weekend with us and holiday. He has been talking marriage and I am open to that, but I am not in a rush. He explained to me, last night that he has been legally separated for 5 years and the both live separate lives. He begged for forgiveness, and said nothing has changed.
I just feel like everyone, his mama, his wife and him and his whole family, knew the TRUTH, except me.
The truth is, I would have never given him a chance, not even a date, nothing, if I had known. But I wasn’t given that choice and that is what hurts.
He says he didn’t want to lose me, so he lied.
I just feel like my whole relationship is al lie. I am so ashamed to even tell my friend or family.
Him saying sorry doesn’t take away the sting.
I am trying hard not to get emotional about this, but my heart is greatly grieved.
For a whole year, I have been carrying on a relationship with a married man, and it is sickening.
Christmas is only days away and the kids are coming down to spend Christmas with us, and I just don’t know if I can do it. His kids even call me mom, because they know their dad says he wants to marry.
Last month when I drove the boys home to there mother, his smallest some asked his mother, ( when daddy and ____ get married, does that mean you and ______, will be sisters and we both laughed and said yes…. We will be sisters. I think about that, and it kills me.
It hurts me and I don’t know if I can continue on in this relationship. I just don’t know what to do….
LatinaStar
Unless you are a very rich heiress and your boyfriend and his ex are planning on preying upon your money, I would not waste my time worrying about why he kept this from you.
His family loves you, his now estranged wife (now ex) loves you, his children love you….what more could you ask?
So what if he was still married on paper. He was estranged for five years. Isn’t that proof that he is no longer married to this woman? In the end it is only a piece of paper.
It is the end of the year, it is almost Christmas.
Fill your heart with forgiveness for your man. He only kept this information from you for fear of losing you. It is not as though he was still married.
Sometimes we tell a little lie thinking it is harmless. And then things get out of control.
Give him a chance and his family a chance. I think your ego has been dealt a blow. But put yourself in their shoes and try to fill your heart with love and pray for healing and forgiveness.
You are very lucky. Don’t turn love away just to stick to your “principles”. Rules and principles are there as guidelines so that we can live our life with some structure. But there is no reason not to bend those rules or deviate from them when a situation like yours presents itself.
Best of luck
And have a Merry Christmas
Oh Jewaira, sharing the hope & the happiness
Pseudo Random
Did I sound corny or something
Noo, you sound like someone trying to prevent someone else from doing something she may later regret
Now, why aren’t you telling me what Digni is?
A few months ago, I got in touch with my ex-boyfriend (and ex-fiance) who is happily married.
At that time, I had a major crisis with my husband. We have been married for nearly 10 years but somehow, along the way we drifted apart. We have two lovely boys. The marital problem was compounded with some other issues: financial and legal problem.
I was too embarrassed to confide to my friends about the problem that I had with my husband and decided that the best person that I should talk to was my ex-boyfriend, who coincidently is one of the top lawyers in my country. My ex-boyfriend used to be my bestfriend. After I broke the engagement to marry my husband, we severed contact with each other mainly because my ex felt that he cannot be friends with me anymore.
A close friend gave me my ex’s phone number. I decided to call him. My main intention then was purely to seek legal advice. I am a Muslim woman and I was considering applying for a divorce from my husband. It is difficult for a woman in my country to apply for fasakh. It normally takes years and in most cases, the ex-husband will be granted full custody of the children.
When I called my ex, I didn’t expect him to be kind and considerate to me. I was wrong. The last time we talked to each other was ten years ago. You could imagine my surprise when he started returning my calls and began to email me.
It was through his advice (via phone calls and email, since we are thousand miles apart) that I began to patch things up with my husband. I realised that I had a skip in my walk. I smiled more. I was happier. It was as though he had given me this motivation to live my life to the fullest.
We agreed that we missed the friendship we had. He missed my friendship and I missed his. I know this sounds corny, but in the past we used to be ‘telepathic’, we had a connection. Our close friends said that we’re soul mates. And I realised that even after the ten years gap, I still knew what he was going to say, even before he uttered whatever it was on his mind. It was the same with him.
Then one day, all hell broke loose. His wife found out that we have been in touch. I felt guilty because I was the root of his problems. Since then, we began to break free from each other. We stopped calling and emailing each other for three months now.
I know that he still asks around about my well being from our common friends. The thing is: I miss him. I miss his friendship. I miss this person who motivates me, who boosts confidence in me. Who tells me what is wrong with my life and helps me find my way back.
What do I do? I love my husband but he is not my bestfriend.
——————–
Arlisa
I must be direct. You must not ruin the life and stability of another man’s life no matter how suitable you are for each other.
I understand that although you love your husband he is not your best friend. But the energy you put towards your lover could be well invested in your hubby.
Best of luck
Jewaira
hi all…
im writing from my room at the peak of my desperation and sadness…
i just feel that why must it hurt soo much?
i have been involved with a married man for two years now.
it’s long distance and at the initial outset i was unaware that he is married…
now he tells me that he cant leave her for his sons sake and cant come up with an excuse.
he tries to convince me it’s a loveless marriage…and that i am the one person he wants to be with,
we have seen each other over the two years and have been physical but no penetrative sex…
i am confused?
do i believe him and just wait…or do i let go of the one person who makes my life worth living…
he is my best friend, my soulmate and i know he loves me but for some reason he cant let go of her because of society and his son?
how do i find out the truth from him…
i am a good person and never would have imagined myself in such a situation, a career orientated professional who doesnt want anyone but the one person she cant have and now i feel so miserable, lonely and i feel i am going to be alone all my life as he makes no promise of mariage but he declares his love to me…
please help with your advice and no bad opinions as i tell you truthfully despite all i am a good person on the inside but love directs us onto paths we never dreamed of!
————————-
Angel
The sad truth is that he will never leave his wife. Have a good long cry and then make a decision to get over it.
You will get over him believe me. It may seem impossible at first and difficult but you must remove him from your life completely in order to move on.
I really believe that a man should declare his intentions very early on in the relationship and it is unfair to drag on for years in this way. Unfair for you.
Jewiara
Angel,
I believe that we sometimes meet our soul mate in the wrong lifetime, a soulmate comes from the soul, hence the name, love is pain, pain is love you have to hurt to be able to grow and learn.
Getting involved with a married man will hardly ever work out well for the “mistress” (no offence)
You should cut all ties, have a few days mourning, then pick yourself up and move on, easier said than done I know but the longer you leave it the harder it will become for you.
YOU yourself should make YOU realise that life is worth living, are you living your life for someone else or for you? it’s your life and you’re living it, people will enter it if you let them and they will leave it, but ultimately it is your path you walk and you choose who you want to walk down it with you.
Give him an ultimatum, this will give him the chance to prove his words have more than just nouns and constanants in them!
In Ghana where I come from, the women seem to be more interested in other people’s husbands especially where the man appears to be successful.
They’ll go to any length to wreck a marriage and will even go as far as having children with him.
The men will obviously take advantage of women who ‘come onto them’ but honestly it’s the women who are the perpretrators and not the men.
——————
Missy
It takes two to tango; sure. The situation you describe is different of course than the problem in the post: you talk about “predatory” women who go after men knowing they are taken or married.
I am of course discussing the problem of married men who involve themselves with single women and deceive them about their marital status intentionally.
Jewaira
Well, I am one of those evil married men that has affairs.
I have stayed in a dysfunctional, sexless marriage for over a decade largely for my child but also b/c of some health problems that my spouse developed AFTER our relationship had declined into a platonic “pals only” arrangement.
I was separated for about 9 months about 10 years ago, but could not bear the hurt that our child seemed to be suffering.
I have ALWAYS been up front about my status - some gals really don’t mind a married boyfriend, others delude themselves that things will change to their benefit despite my oft stated position that I am not leaving any time soon (although that point IS coming up though, once I’m done with paying for college).
I guess my point here is that not every story can be fit into the stereotype of a predatory man exploiting poor innocent women — frankly, I believe that most of my mistresses have had more sexual partners than I have.
My bottom line opinion though is that I am not proud of the way I have led my life and should have bitten the bullet and divorced a LONG time ago.
I also strongly reccommend that women not mess around with married men — it pretty much always ends badly and you’ll look like an idiot and/or slut to your friends and any single guy in the future will be put off by the fact.
————————-
Sembawang Squid
Thank you for sharing your story and your feelings with us. This post attracts readers daily and every bit of feedback counts.
The original post concerned men who deliberately mislead women about their marital status.
As you said, some women don’t mind the fact that a man is married and look for a fling.
I commend you for staying so long in your marriage for the sake of your child. I hope that in the end, it was worth the sacrifice and you all find the happiness you seek
Jewaira
I am in the same situation with a man like you only I am the other woman.
I have been with this guy for 5 years. There were always the promises of him leaving his wife…. But they never materialize.
2 weekends ago he claims he told his wife we was leaving for good ( after I told him I couldn’t go on in this relationship)
well the promises came out he was leaving to be with me…my dream… only once he had the conversation with her he back peddled there were roadblocks…again. well that was the final straw.
I told him I won’t live with the hope of him being with me & chasing and hoping
for the prize. I am worth more than that.
He says he just needs to get through this patch then we will be together….How to keep me in the grips????!!!!
The worst part is I can’t totally disconnect as we work together. ( How stupid was I)
But I must say that I am sitting here very sad , hurt & I want nothing more than for him to be here with me.
When does the pain end? looking at the phone and wanting desperatly to call is killing me…
It’s been 5 days I thought the feelings would have gone away by now
Brokenhearted
I understand your sadness and your pain. If it is any consolation, take heart in that if you remain resolute, the pain will lessen and things will get better.
You must remain strong and try to distance yourself from the problem so that you can see who is the real victim here:
The man wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants the security and stability of family life and wants excitement with a lover on the side.
Five years is a LONG time to keep a woman waiting. Believe me if he was going to leave his wife he would have done so long ago.
He may say he loves you, but his “love” is not strong enough to make a commitment to you.
I know it is hard because you work together. But you must look out for yourself and be resolute about ending the relationship. It will only prolong your sorrow and pain.
If he really really loved you, he wouldn’t cause you this pain. He is just being selfish.
No one is worth messing your life up for. And just like he left his wife, he will easily leave you for another.
I am not being hardhearted. Sometimes affairs of the heart do work out and married couples break up to find more satisfying love with other partners whom they have had an affair with.
But promises should not be broken for 5 years. It is time to make that New Year resolution and cut it clean.
Best of luck and feel free to email me privately on this matter if you like.
Hi All,
I just wanted to say that there is hope in some cases for dating a married man. I met him 5yrs ago in Vegas. He didn’t tell me he was married because he was afraid that I probably wouldn’t of given him a chance. Which he was right because I don’t date married men.
Well we had a long distance relationship for 1month when I received a phone call from his wife telling me that he is married. I was so hurt and so disappointed. I told him that I didn’t want to have anything to do with him ever again. But he kept insisting that he was in a marriage of convenience and that he doesn’t love his wife and that he only married her because he thought it was the right thing to do.
Let me give you a little history before i go on about his marriage. He was with her for 7yrs as roommates and I guess their relationship escalated based on convenience because they both supported each other financially and his family are Catholics so his parents guilted him about living in sin so he was guilted into marrying this women even though he didn’t want to marry her(no children). Again, he felt it was the right thing to do.
He admitted that he was a coward but anyway, they were together for 7yrs and then married for 1yr(8yrs together). He met me 1 yr after his marriage in Vegas.
After his wife called me up, I didn’t want to talk to him for weeks but he insisted to talk to me to explain. I figured that I should give him the benefit of the doubt because everyone makes mistakes and sometimes people marry for the wrong reasons. After he explained his story, I told him that the only way that I will continue with this relationship is if he proved to me that he is serious about ending his marriage because I will not be involved with someone that keeps me hanging.
The next day he went to the court house and filed for a divorce and then faxed me the papers. Even tho the divorced dragged on for years because we all know how long it takes to get a divorce now adays. We started dating for 3yrs after and then now we are happily married for 2yrs (together for 5yrs now).
I truly believe that he is my soulmate. My husband makes me feel so special everyday and never looks at another women.
So, just to let you know that sometimes we meet and marry someone that we feel obligated to marry. We all make mistakes.
My advice to you is if the married man that you’re involved with shows you proof that he will end his marriage and makes the effort and follows through to make you feel that his is serious about leaving. Then and only then should you even consider continuing with the relationship. But anyway, in my case, it worked out.
But just to warn some of you what to expect if you plan to stick around during his divorce. You need to be prepared for the emotional rollar coaster ride that the ex-wife will inflict on your significant other. Its going to be very difficult and it takes a strong women to help him through it. You will have to face this rollar coaster ride alone because no one will be there for you because you will be clearly noted as the bad person and who wants to give advice to a homewrecker. These are the consequences that you will have to face. So just be prepared. But it will workout for the best because love conquers all.
Good luck!
———————-
Thank you for sharing your story Mandy. I am really glad it all worked out for the best for you .
Jewaira
I have been looking on the internet on how to get over this bastard. I hate him so much, and yet at the same time i hate myself more.
i have a quote i go by, ” nothing can effect you, unless you let it effect”. i tell myself that im not going to cry over him, which i haven’t, but the soreness in my chest and the emotions that i can’t control.
i hear some good stories, of who some of you gals got what you wanted in the end. But in my case it’s the worst.
i meet him as my doctor, i was only 20. i can still picture him even now in his lab coat. i was also heading in the field of med. also; but that’s how we got to know one another, when i turned 21 he was no longer my doctor anymore, because of my age. so you can guest he’s a pedictrian.
we’ve been dating for two years now, and just last month i found out i was pregnant. i also found out that his wife is one month ahead of my pregnancy.
any how we decided to get an abortion. somewhere in my heart i didn’t want to get an abortion, but my mind was saying it’s the right thing to do.
we had the abortion the medical way, with no surgery. it’s harder. the pain and the side effects. he left me alone to deal with all this. i called him, so many times to ask for help and if he can write me out a precription, but there was never any answer.
i feel so bad, in our culture if you are pregnant you are to get married no matter what. my older brother said to me, you want to get married, you want to make it right and do it only once. i know if i married him, i was be sad forever anyway. so i’m glad i got the abortion, but i feel like i’m not human anymore.
he used to tell me that i’m not a homewrecker, when the home is already wrecked. i still feel bad inside and out.
i can’t learn to cry or laugh anymore, people tell me i have a cold and distant look in my eyes.
i hope the pain goes away, if not i’m afraid of taking my own life. i never realize how much emotion a person can feel for another, especially when the other doesn’t care.
it has been so helpful to read the messages that have been posted, mainly because of the way people have expressed themselves and come across, respectful without abuse or judgements.
it has helped me hearing many views on this subject because I got involved with a “separated” man who really behaved like an idiot and a coward.
however I don’t regard myself as a predatory woman who only seeks married men. I am a single women who has been left confused and hurt and heartbroken.
He promised to return to me and even though in my heart of hearts I knewI would probably not see him again, I chose to live the lie, neglecting all my fears and doubts.
His wife texted me from overseas and when I did manage to speak to her I couldn’t hear her very well. The only words I really heard and have been left with is “I’m confused”.
The person that left has been gone for months now and returned to his situation in another country . I put up with his bad behaviour here where I live and I don’t really know what was his intentions to be here. he told me it was to start a new life however I couldn’t believe he had left his children and wife so easily to be in my land. however the mistake I made was to not ask more and ignore all my doubts
in the end I felt selfish, disgusted (with myself and for him) the communication did not stop after he left, he continued to write to me and phone me, I felt disgusted and confused about everything. He did tell me he loved and all the rest, he also behaved like a boy.
To this day I will never know the real truth and part of me really does want to forget,
I have played many scenarios in my head and in the end all I know is the heartbreak I am left with and the pain of once again questioning my esteem as a woman and a person. I wish I had the opportunity to see him again to have closure so I can see I made a mistake but I will not see him again for the last time I saw him was to say goodbye at the airport for the “promise” that he would return.
I have read other sites where people express hurtful things about women that have been in my situation, but I don’t need anyone telling how sad I am because I already feel it.
The pain I have gone through has been awful and thankful that I have a Mother that loves me. I am not sure if I have been a victim,
What confused me about this person I got involved with is that he could be so caring towards me but then be so sadistic at the same time and his excuse for this….that he did it on purpose. I cry for once again finding a situacion that lowered my esteem and more so for experiences that I have had after him, knowing that everytime I “gave” myself to someone that I was giving my soul. This is what I am discovering what is essentially valuable to me and I give it away so easily.
I felt he was my soulmate but how can a soulmate hurt you so much?
However this is where life is a funny thing. I think you can feel for someone who is so wrong but feels so right and vice versa.
I never shared true intimacy with him until he left I yearned to be with him again and vice versa. Now he wrote that he is alone but has plenty everything he wrote and texted
It cut me like a knife and once again I am left wondering why did I do this to myself and if it was me reading this of someone else I would be quick to critise and judge
unfortunitely it is me and this is where my story ends. He gave me the “option” of coming over to his country after he got back with his wife
it disgusted me and hurt me so much, I had given him this offer before he got back together with her for the sake of his chidren, but I knew deep down I once again had fallen for an idiot and I degraded myself in the process,
this time it cut very deep I fell in love with him, and although he was all that I loved him anyway, but I’m left questioning everything but I know one day it will all pass I”m waiting for that day until then I must get on with my life.
oh and I am 37 years of age and he was 41…
I am left traumatised and hurt. The most traumatising aspect is that he had told me about his past and that he did the dirty on him so go figure, at that point it didn’t take much to realise this person is iresponsible not only with others but himself.
Nevertheless I loved him all his stupidity and I am left wondering is this what this women who is or was…who knows put up with too?
It left me traumatised to the extent that I couldn’t see families together that I don’t trust.
The thing is what I should of realised is that it is a dangerous game to play with ones feelings and put aside doubts, but it was too late I fell for this man, for whatever reason.
We both behaved like kids at times, and I am left wondering what was I for him really….once I asked him if I was his fantasy but he’s had many to forfill a need he’s lacking.
The most hurtful part is that he said that I was part of him and although he had to “sacrifice” me that he wanted to keep in communication with me, I told him to go to hell.
The torture that I was to put myself through didn’t stop there, friends advised me to block him from my email but I couldn’t. He would phone me from a distance and play as he had done here, telling me he wanted me to share his life there with him to meet and see what he is experiencing, and this is all after he got back to “her” I use to call her..It made me sick untill I abused him. There has been so much pain and torture I put myself through for this idoit but he was the idoit that I fell in love with.
I felt pain for what he was doing and I am left with a hurt that builds up in my chest it still affects me and I am tired of it,
I want a change but the most traumatising thing is that I will not see him again and I know I should be glad he is not in my country.
I was originally from the same country as his but have been brought up in another, so we are of the same culture but we are very different as well. I guess he chose the easy road what he was familiar with, but I don’t believe he truely loved me although he “wrote” he would be going through the same pain that he would cry and the hurt he felt was awful as I would express.
Someone told me that he may have been laughing at me and bragging to his friends that a women was suffering for him and it made me sick to think this.
But I must start opening up my eyes because I’m not of at the age to use youth as an excuse. He doesn’t realise how traumatising it is not to have someone speak to you in person or via phone to explain things but of course you can’t explain this he was a coward.
I should be happy he is not living here . I have been so angry with him that I have abused him so much and he got tired of it…he wanted it easy I guess.
Thinking I was going to go along with his plan..sometimes if I saw him again I would punch him so hard!! But I’m tired and hurt and I feel a fool when I read what I am writing it makes me ill to hear my pitiful self, but I don’t want to get bitter it is not me. I must find it in myself to get over this in positive ways to heal all the uglyness this caused and once again put this bad experience behind me.
But you know what I miss him, it makes me sick but I do.
heartbrokentoo,
You always miss what you have had good memories of and this applies to anything and everything.
I think you are letting either your heart rule your head or vice versa, sure one needs to be stronger but the other MUST be listened to and weighed up, otherwise you can’t see the yellow snow in the Artic……..you only see what you want to see,hear,smell and taste! It is easy to delude yourself when your chemicals are ebbing and flowing in a way that you never find time to stop,breath,step out of your circle and view what’s happening inside it from outside of it.
Don’t be bitter and lock your heart away,life is too short to deny yourself as many chances as possible to be happy, just take stock from time to time to make sure nothing needs addressing or just doesn’t quite seem right.
azrael thank you for your comments,
it’s good to hear things other’s perceptive,
and yes I am a kind of person that gets to overwhelmed in game of love. The reality comes after the hurt subsides, with all my “experiences” I am discovering and learning I guess I have to go through it a few times before I wake up!!
The most traumatising thing that I allowed to happen was to leave this man at the airport deluding myself that he will return even though I knew in my heart otherwise. He has done and said so many things that only confused me because I gave him so much value as we do, well I do..the dangerous game I play is falling for guys that I know I must be careful of but I end up giving more untill I give and allow things to happen that take away my dignity, this man at the end of the day is an idoit but an idoit I fell for ,
I don’t think it was true love but the feelings were strong because I convinced myself it was true maybe he did the same neglecting his responsiblities the only thing is he had a history of it and good luck to him
I don’t want to feel angry or bitter but the weight I feel at times tires me
I analize things too much as we do especially when something hurtful has occurred.
I take responsiblity as I too played a part in this.
Could you please clarify for me please as I’m not sure what you mean sorry when you express…..”one needs to be stronger but the other must be listened to? and weighed up? otherwise you can’t see the yellow snow in the artic? and you only see what you want to see, hear, smell and taste?
Are you saying that I believed to believe him? Because that is the most hurtful part, and I cry over because when I think about the times we shared the times I thought he was sincere only to think he was calculated at that point hurts me so much but I feel a fool at the same time.
Next time I will not put aside my doubts and fears and go head first, and allow someone get so much into my skin unless they show me they can give me the same.
I don’t know when I will learn the stupid part is I fell for an idoit and gave him value, he kept in communication with me after he left and each time he expressed something whether good or bad it made me sick knowing that if wasn’t “her” married to him it could have been me..
I was so confused and hurt. Maybe I do like to hurt myself I tried to stop it in my why only to be left so hurt and confused.
Ok I must stop I get all confused, I get so confused,
I am latin american and so was he but it doesn’t mean just because of that we were meant to be together
I miss my latin side. I live in new zealand and the “quality” of men I need to address, even though someone can have a good education or job it depends what they have inside themselves.
I read somewhere we are all victims of victims, but I don’t want to be bitter nor think myself a victim
life is about learning I guess and it brings us events to learn if we haven’t already, the rest I have to allow to get over as my heart is something if someone enters it it’s precious to me.
thank you again for your comments. from heartbrokentoo
“I have been dating a man for a year now. He moved down to my city shortly after we met. I took my time with him and asked all the necessary questions a woman asks. He said he was divorced, and he answered honestly. I am not naturally a trusting person, but I gave him a chance. I stated to him in the beginning of our courtship that I dated a man, for an extended period of time and found out that he was marrying other women and I was crushed. I tend to think of myself a as moral and idealistic person, but married men isn’t what I do… I myself have never been married, but I honor marriage and I know that it is a gift that should not be toyed with. I’ve dated men, only to get a call from a wife, crying on the other end. Or I have found out from a friend or some how, the truth comes out and I cut all ties with that man. I hear all the excuses like; I didn’t want to lose you, I know you would have never given me a chance. And it has made me bitter over the years, that I wasn’t given a choice. There are plenty of women that date married men. I am just not one of them. I never went far with these men, but it still hurt to be treated so lowly.”
this is a part written by latinastar?
Are you latin?
I like what you wrote.
I can fully understand as I feel the same. this part got my attention and I like the way you phrased this part.
This man gave me the “option” of seeing him in his country AFTER he got back with the women he breeded with
it made me sick but I was sick at myself for knowing I knew he was capable of being like this
he showed me more than once how low he could be, there were always excuses for his actions.
I never want to go through something like this again,
the part that affected me is that I didn’t have closure I left him at the ariport and all I want is to get him off my mind and more in my soul.
I just wish I could see him once more just to see how stupid he was but the rational and logical side of me says why bother you already knew and found out. Countless times.
The thing that has ultimately made me fearful is of men that are latin of course and who deceive.
And all I can think is that I have had a pattern of finding these type of idoits that are insecure and who are arrogant at the same time.
He wrote an account when I stopped contact with him…like a journal and it stated things there that I didn’t know whether to feel sick by it or pity for him. That he said my name while he was with her. and she “critiqued” him? That he hurt not having me.
I felt so responsable he put me in a horrible situation and I knew it was up to me to end things so I abused him, as come from parents who have had a dysfuntional relationship and he came from a father who was disgusting as a person although he was he was still his father.
I question marriages and those who have children, these types of men breed and and play games and in the end I was left feeling awful because I didn’t give in to his games he then wrote to me giving me his forgiveness but not for what just that he was sorry.
I once recieved an email from him whilst I was “waiting” for him feeling bad about his children while I feared he would do the same to me, trying to find ways so could be closer to his children but never knowing and wanting to hear the “wifes” side of the story.
I recieved a sadistic email one day to read…It is cold here in Chile maybe I should ask for “her” and at this point wrote her name I didn’t even know it at that point but in the email I read it,
we never discussed her and for that I felt stupid.
He continued to write…”should I ask her for a side in her bed”? at this point he told me when he returned that he was living at his mother’s house and he rang me when he arrived back to his country from her place he said out loud “mun what is the time here” as he told me the first thing he was going to do was to phone me when he arrived..
he stayed with his mother when he got back only to move in back with “her” after he had had an arguement with his mother as she had been angry over the fact he had been in my country just to have fun,
now I can see why I started to paint another picture
the picture I didn’t want to see when he was here. He could be so sadistic and in his mind he said he was trying to distance himself from me knowing he had to stay with her for the children.
But that didn’t stop him from telling me he still loved me and once he put one of his small children on the phone to speak to me, I didn’t know what to think.
In the end it made me ill and confused me more. It contined untill I couldnt take it anymore it was killing me and traumatised me. the hurt I felt was awful and I dont know whether I have issues (obviously), or is it because I truely loved him.
Ok that’s enough for now. I played my part and the rest is history, as time goes by I begin to see him for who he really was but I’ll never get the opportunity to see justice happen, maybe he will be happy
I dont want anything bad to happen to him nor his family. I hated myself when I got angry
it brought out a side of me I hated and I said something once that affected me terribly. He said when we had stopped communication that he began to see all the hurt I went through but at that point others and I had to think logically. I wasn’t the only one going through it?
so was the women who had been married to him more put up with him, he had told me the last two children werent’ planned and the last one was a mistake but that his sister had convinced him that she was a gift from God? And that the middle child was his treasure
I have a neice who I love dearly and I hate to think I am hurting a child or children,
he had an older child and if it wasn’t for the last two that he would have left her,
My goodness I don’t know what to make of him. As I write I feel like an idoit for allowing him to continue to do this to me, he has now stopped after I abused him..only to recieve and email saying he was alone now but he has plenty and don’t write me more.
That he couldn’t give me what I wanted I wasn’t asking for anything, the stupid thing is nothing is going to change and I don’t want it too,
the damage is done and it made me ill to think he shared her bed again, God knows what type of relationship he has with her, it hurt so much, but I couldn’t allow him to continue to communicate with me. I will never know the whole truth and I don’t want to know.
It’s logical and the old cliche is that he wanted to have his cake and eat it too at my expense and I couldn’t do it. I deserve more and I didn’t want to be responsable for hurting another women.
Same situation is happening to me at the moment, i am a young girl of 21 and geting involved with a married man of 31.
I am the dating type and i met him, at first i was not attracted to him, but he persued me, and felt attracted to his cute carisma and his sensitive smiles and looks. and i payed more attention to him afterwards. No man has payed the attention i needed like him, most of the ones i have met were bringing me trouble, and the one that was married did not, he made me feel good and we he wanted to make me happy.
However he told me one day that he could not hide the truth anymore from me and told me he was married and that he had two kids!
i was shocked! i have strong principles and come from a religious background. I immediately told him to stop contact with me,to not seek me. He told me he would because i said so.
I started to miss the joy of having him around, but i held back strongly,convinced it was the best thing. He appeared again after some time leaving a message that he could not stop thinking about me, that he missed me, and that he was sorry to get in touch with me, but he just couldnt help it. i made the mistake to answer him back and from that day he would cal me.
He started calling me everyday asking me how my days were and wat i had learned in my studies. We got together and we held on tight, he would hold me tight and inhale deeply, there was something in his eyes that told me he felt not happy, but i did not know wat it was exactly. Later he started commeting about him fantasizing about me, he even asked me for sex in a few occasions. I beleived in his good nature i always have in people, but i told him i couldnt have sex with him it felt no right.
I have been in contact with him for a year and we havent had sex. Lately he gets really horny when i meet him or hold him, he tels me to let go and to let him have sex with him, but i surely cant. Something in me wants to have sex with him and reach a heavenly climax and drop him forever, but the other part is teling me not to.
I come from a broken home, my mother divorced from my dad because he was cheating on her, i think of this as an example and start to think why my dad did that to her, and me finding myself in the same situation somehow, i analyse and find the past haunting me somehow. I have somehow missed my dad and with this married guy it all comes back to me.
I defenetly think of droping this situation to the ground, i feel like i am in a limbo, i have told him that i would drop him because i am afraid. But the attraction is so strong, that i burst to tears when i think about it.
Anyways i know i am strong girl and wil deal with this like it should be with justice at hand, i wanted to share this though, any comments would be welcome. I find myself falling in love, and i have never experienced that before, wat a drag to fall for the wrong one.
I can understand the girls passing through the same thing, is going against something u feel, but at the same time having a inner battle to let go and cancel ur emotions out, this would make anyone unhappy.
I wanted to share. kises and may everyone find the love that they deserve,
rayoflight
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Rayof Light
Thank you for sharing your story.
I have a feeling you know what you ought to do and I pray that you have the strength to do it.
Getting involved with someone that cannot promise you an emotionally stable future is just risky. Believe me there are plenty of other fish in the sea and this kind of relationship will only make you suffer in the end.
Also, you experienced this kind of situation first hand with your parents. How do you think his wife and children will feel?
Get out of the situation as soon as you can.
Jewaira
Has anyone ever seen or heard of the Ashley Madison dating service? it is a web based dating service for married men to find Mistresses . And also for married women to find men. A lot of professionals wanting descret relationships and of course those who want as many as they can have. Some even say they love their wives just need more sex then they are getting.
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Mutual consent I guess
Jewaira